I got sucker punched yesterday.
I’m a Minnesota Vikings fan, and this game left me a shell of a man.
A few years back, a columnist on ESPN.com wrote an article called the Levels of Losing. In it, he detailed the degrees of how your team losing affects their fans. The Vikings loss yesterday ranks up at a Level II: The Sucker Punch. The guy who wrote this is called the Sports Guy, and his stuff is definitely worth checking out, as it’s regularly hilarious.
So I had some ideas on a funny “Welcome Back!!!!!!” kind of blog entry for today, but I’m just not feeling up to it. I’m not feeling suicidal or anything, it just feels like a general malaise has fallen. I feel as if my soul has eaten too much fruit and now it’s feeling kind of sick and wants to go to the bathroom, but nothing comes out and so it just sits on the toilet for a while until the blood flow to its legs gets cut off but it doesn’t care because it feels dead anyway and because it’s reading a harrowing tale of survival in Readers Digest.
I’ll be back tomorrow with more jovial frivolity and good-natured merriment. Until then, you’ll find me with a dazed look in my eyes and my soul trying to take a crap while reading Readers Digest back issues.