Thundering Leonard

Leonard has been with me for almost 5 years now, but I fear he is dying.

Leonard is my 1996 Chevy Lumina. I do not mean to lead my faithful listeners into lust and envy by describing such a vehicle – I am merely a lucky man who has been fortunate enough to command one of the most powerful and dynamic machines ever to grace American roadways. The Lumina.

A similar model to Leonard

When I sit in Leonard, I often feel the urge to hold my sword aloft and shout, “To Valhalla!” as he speeds me away from my lonely, miserable existance, and onward towards the light of honor and freedom. When I am in the bowels of my steed Leonard, I no longer feel that I am unpleasant to look at, or that my presence saps the energy of all around me because I can’t shut up about whatever it is I’m obsessed with on that particular day. No, Leonard makes me into more than an awkward, annoying man. In Leonard I am a Norse god, thundering across the skies like a Viking warship with an automatic transmission and busted water pump. In Leonard, I swiftly dispense justice to the masses writhing below, leaking oil and antifreeze onto them like a benevolent deity, quenching the oil-lust of the teeming earth-bound mortals that I keep vigil over.

So long story short, Leonard’s pretty sweet. I’m going to miss that dirty blue piece of crap.

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9 Responses to Thundering Leonard

  1. Geof says:

    So, did you total it, or are you taking advantage of your advanced age [and the insurance discount that it brings] and buying something newer?

    And “onwards toward the light of honor and freedom”? Come on … you live in Edina, not Eden Prairie. ;)

  2. peter says:

    Well, tonight my Dad and I are going to make one final valiant attempt to save it. If that fails, then we’ll look at getting something newer.

    And hey, don’t mock Edina.

    That’s my job.

  3. Geof says:

    Come on … you know you laughed. ;)

    It could be worse … you could live in Bloomington, and then I would mock you about living in the Mall or something.

  4. karlquick says:

    what specifically is wrong with the Lumina?

  5. peter says:

    We’re hoping it’s just the water pump, but it may be a myriad of other things. We’ll see…

  6. Adam says:

    You should get a another big family car.

  7. karlquick says:

    How about a big family station wagan!

  8. barb says:

    So, did your dad just yank the water pump off the car and say: “Nah, you don’t really need that..” ?

  9. peter says:

    Yes, and he instructed me to keep it in the trunk, should it become useful for scrap metal in the future.

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