The Awkward Tinkle

First off, I need to commend The Sneeze for another amazing entry:

Click here to play The Sneeze’s FREAKY FRANKS!!!

Now on to the business at hand.

My love of awkward situations has been well chronicled through the years, but I plan to use The John Larroquette Project to share some of my all time favorite awkward moments. Sometimes these will be specific events that occurred, other times they will be generic situations that we have all experienced and enjoyed.

Today’s moment is the Awkward Tinkle.

A group of people are relaxing at somebody’s house and having a pleasant conversation (or maybe a small group study). One of them gets up and goes to a nearby bathroom to relieve themselves. Now, if one is lucky, a transcendent moment may occur. A lull in the conversation will directly coincide with the clear, distinct sound of somebody urinating. The response will be:

a) Uncomfortable laughter
b) Broken eye contact and prolonged silence.

Clearly B is the more humorous option. Sometimes rather than the sound of urination, the group may be privy to hearing the unmistakable sounds of defecation. This incredibly uncomfortable situation is both humiliating to all involved and hilarious to sadistic people like myself.

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8 Responses to The Awkward Tinkle

  1. Geof says:

    Why is B) better? I’d go with A). #1 for #1! ;)

    Actually, the other night, after Derek’s showed, I walked out with his road manager and proceeded to let fly with the mother of all farts. He turned, looked at me, and said, “That’s the most beautiful thing I’ve heard all day.”

    Fart jokes never get old for guys.

  2. Adam says:

    This is why urinals should be in every home.

  3. Geof says:

    Actually, no … you want a small, tiled bathroom that has the toilet basin optimally placed for maximum echo.

    Some say echolocation is how dolphins find food; I say it’s how you work to embarrass people and make really fun sounds while singing in the shower.

  4. Rhonda says:

    When I hang out with you guys, I will be sure to be aware of where you guys art when I’m going to the bathroom. And will never go to the bathroom in your house.


  5. Geof says:

    Yeah, like you’d hang out with us, Rhoda. ;)

  6. Kari says:

    I turn on the water faucet when I have to use the bathroom and might be overheard (and there’s no fan). Just a free little tip. ;)

  7. Carla Jean says:


    Sometimes I’ll hold it until I get home JUST so you can’t hear me go.

  8. Tim Hopps says:

    (Can I really comment on a post this old?)

    I’ve gotten good at aiming right for that “sweet spot” between the toilet rim and the water line. Of course, when you get toward the end of your delivery, you have to adjust upward because of the weaker flow, and eventually you can’t escape a little concluding tinkling sound… but it’s so weak you can cover it with an “ahem”, or fart really loud so they can’t hear it.

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