Summer is coming soon, my friends.
Last night, I was enjoying a leisurely drive home – my windows were down and I was listening to the Twins game on the radio. It was so great to hear play-by-play man Herb Carneal’s voice again because it immediately made me feel like summer had arrived. I also enjoy listening to color man Dan Gladden because it reminds me of the sweetness of his golden mullet as it shone in the sun out in left field during his playing days.
I was feeling so nostalgic and sentimental that I decided to stop off to pick up some summertime treats. I dropped by a Holiday gas station and purchased 26 hot dogs slathered in mustard, relish, and ketchup. I chose to forgo the buns because I’m trying to cut my carbs. I crammed all the warm, slippery hotdogs into a brown paper bag and hopped back into the car. My hands were now caked with the delicious mustard/relish/ketchup combination, and it smeared all across my steering wheel as I drove. I ate the tantalizing hot dogs two at a time, smacking my lips loudly as the breeze blew through my mustard-smeared hair. The juices and sauces dripped off my chin and onto my clothing. I made delightful sounds along my journey – barking like an otter and sometimes pausing to hum a few bars of Lee Greenwood’s, “Proud To Be An American” before franticly pounding more hot dogs down my gullet. When I got home, I vomited in the street. The puke arched like a rainbow of summertime nostalgia, ripe with the smells of baseball and bile. After dry heaving for 6 hours I finally passed out in my neighbor’s lawn, naked but for a film of dried ketchup.
Yes, it’s going to be a long, glorious summer.
tears in my eyes . . . that’s hilarious, peter. mmm, boy could i go for a hot dog now.
At what point did you become naked?
Sheesh. Each time I look at your blog, betting your stories can’t get any more bizarre than the day before, and each time, I am proven wrong. Keep it up.
Thanks, Pete. I needed a laugh pretty bad today. The bit about no buns … simply stunning.
Delicious. Now I will always know what a ketchup, relish and mustard puke rainbow looks like.
Dr. S, I’m not totally sure at what point I became naked. The viscocity of my skin had reached the point where my clothes began slipping off without my noticing.
A way to prolong the enjoyment of those hotdogs is to make them yourself by boiling them in water, but don’t throw out the water, it makes a great soup for the next few days. Wiener Water Soup!
Maybe Herb would like a hotdog?
This post and some tator tots and I’ll never leave the house again.
wow
ewwwwww. did you REALLY eat 26 hot dogs? (call me a girl who doesnt know better)
His record is 37.
nnnnnnnope.