The Teamaster

Tonight my Anthropology class will have the pleasure of watching me talk out of my butt for 30 minutes.

I have two presentations to give this week. One of them is this Thursday in my graduate class, and one of them is tonight in my community college class – I’ll let all of you take a wild guess as to which one I’ve spent more time preparing for. My presentation tonight will be as a group, and we’re talking about the deep and powerful mysticism of Japanese Tea Ceremonies. I’m sort of the MC of our presentation, and I have no idea what I’m talking about. It’s actually really funny to me at this point, and I’m looking forward to shoveling horsecrap down the gullets of my classmates while confidently smiling and speaking assertively. This presentation is so far from anything academic that it’s hilarious. We’re showing a clip from “The Karate Kid, Part II” for crying out loud.

“And so here we see Miagi’s old enemy Sato trying to break a huge log with his bare hands – he likely just came from a tea ceremony before this scene started. And now Daniel-san and his arbitrary girlfriend frolic on the beach while we hear Peter Cetera sing “Glory of Love”. This 1980’s power ballad is the traditional musical backdrop for most Japanese Tea Ceremonies.”

It’s actually quite funny how if we sound like we know what we’re talking about and speak confidently, that we can get away with saying just about anything:

“This tea ceremony has been practiced for millions of years, and it is still practiced in Japan among humans and goats alike (and man-goat hybrids). Peter Cetera himself (who is one-quarter goat) is the TeaMaster and he brews all the tea for consumption while singing that he is the man who will fight for our honor.”

Yes, I’ll be a fine educator someday…

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6 Responses to The Teamaster

  1. Geof says:

    Suddenly, Blues Traveler’s “Hook” just popped into my head.


  2. Psalm 119
    99 I have more insight than all my teachers,
    for I meditate on your statutes.
    100 I have more understanding than the elders,
    for I obey your precepts.

  3. Adam says:


    That game just got me in trouble with my supervisor. YOU ARE AWESOME!!! Thank you for that!!!

    Bible-Ass-Man: Shut up. You are a loser.

  4. MJ says:

    That song was “our song” with my 8th grade girlfriend, oh my, I had a mullet then.

    I was just at a wedding where they had a tea ceremony, if I had only known about that song………

  5. andrew says:

    Cetera is part goat! It all makes so much sense now!

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