Q) What is the difference between going to sleep and simply taking a nap?
A) Socks
I know how to work my own body. This might sound simple, but suprisingly enough it was a laborous, uncoordinated process for many years. One of the tricks I learned is that I don’t fall into a deep sleep as long as I’m wearing socks. This is ideal for naptime, when I’d like to refresh myself without waking up in a post-sleep haze. That haze is one of the most unpleasant in the spectrum of human experiences, sandwiched between stubbing your toe and being dumped in public by an ugly person. In the post-nap haze, you can’t think, you can’t move fluidly, and your mouth tastes like a donkey puked half-digested applesauce into it.
In short, I don’t like the post-nap haze, and so I choose to wear socks when napping. The socks say to my body, “Hey buddy, just relax for a bit. We’re just going to lay here quietly for a bit. Shhhhhhhh….. Don’t sleep too deep now, old friend. Just cool out. Everybody be cool. We’re all friends here. Seriously, don’t be stupid.” My body responds well to my socks and keeps me at a nicely moderated sleep level. My socks are wise and loyal, they would never betray me like so many of my pants have.
When I awake from my nap, I will thank my socks for watching over me and for their warm caress. I say nurturing, affectionate things while gently stroking them. I will share all my secrets with them and giggle with delight.
….I’m not sure where I’m going with this….
I’ll stop now before I share too much.
Nice work creeping me out.
i wonder what would happen if you only wore one sock to sleep? you should experiment and let us know.
I’d try this, but I hate socks.
I have simply conditioned myself to nap well. I did this by watching NASCAR—watch the first few laps, start dozing, wake up when the announcers get all excited in order to see the big crash, and then know by gut feel when the end of the race is near.
I can now crank out a two-hour nap with no problem.
I’m so disappointed in you, Geof.
You watch NASCAR?!
I know you’re from the South and all, but come on.
We should blog about how much NASCAR sucks. Here goes…
NASCAR is the dumbest thing ever. I hate it. People who watch it don’t have brains. I wish NASCAR would die and forever be anihilated from the anals of history. You suck NASCAR; suck like black hole. Watching you is about as fun as throwing up.
Felt good. You should try it.
suck like a black hole! that is freaking awesome!
You forgot that NASCAR is most definitely not a sport, and people who think it is are morons. And the drivers? Also morons. Seriously, let’s drive around really fast in circles so we can maybe almost die. Good idea.
I like this game.
See, this is where Tim and I differ, I can’t sleep without socks. He can’t sleep with socks. In fact, he sleeps with his feet OUTSIDE OF THE COVERS.
I’m dating a freak.
mic – that’s not freaky. It’s weird that you wear socks to bed. That’s what.
Peter – I think it’s entertaining that I do the same thing- I’ve never heard anyone else acknowledge it before. I cannot sleep well with socks on. And if I try it overnight, I wake up in the morning feeling dirty and overly-warm. Like waking up in a sleeping bag.
If we’re weird, maybe we should look for people who share this weirdness and we can have a support group. We could call it “Nap-sockers” and share tips on how to tame this force into a usable energy drive. Watch out, ATP and biology class, here we come!