I’m wearing really dumpy clothes today.
I only got half my laundry done yesterday, and so my selection this morning wasn’t outstanding – mostly items that I bought in the 1990’s. At that point, my thought process went like this: “Well, it’s only Monday. And I don’t have class after work. And I’m not really planning on having a good day anyway. I’ll just go ahead and wear this ill-fitting shirt that doesn’t match these pants and look like a dork today.”
So now here I sit wearing my olive dockers and a blue-ish dress shirt. This shirt is missing a button and needs to be ironed. I feel dumpy and doughy in this thing, but it doesn’t really matter. It’s only Monday, and I don’t need to start feeling anything pleasant until Wednesday afternoon. Tomorrow I’ll probably up the ante and see if I can wear the oldest, ill-fitting items of clothing that I can find in my closet. Maybe I can find a still-intact outfit from 1996 – when I was a senior in high school. Tomorrow I’ll stroll into my office wearing old jeans, some Birkenstocks (while still wearing white socks underneath), an old t-shirt, and a flannel shirt tied around my waist. I will sit down at my desk and listen to Bush and Hootie & The Blowfish. I will refuse to acknowledge anything that has occurred in the last 8 years, including (but not limited to):
My having graduated from high school
The Iraq War
The Vikings loss to the Atlanta Falcons in the 1998 NFC Championship Game
The existence of Vin Diesel
Moby’s Play
Elian Gonzales
The death of Gene Siskel
Monica Lewinski
Elton John’s disgusting physical deterioration
The fact that the Florida Marlins have won two World Series
Chipotle
I’ll come in to work, but not acknowledge that I know how to do my job, so I will sit and behave like I did in high school (picture a 6 year old child on speed who is 6’5”, 220lbs.). If I get fired, then so be it. I can roll with the punches, even when those punches are self inflicted and utterly pointless. After all, it’s just a Tuesday, and it probably wasn’t going to be a good day anyway.
sounds like someone has a case of the “mundays”.
i have a t-shirt that i wore in the second grade that i still wear, some 17 years later…
Man, if I could just find my brown and green socks with the golfer on them, I’d wear ‘em with everything.
You have summed up my day, except for the fact that I never really liked Bush’s music.
Peter, I really enjoyed your list. However, I think you forgot to mention a very important thing: Sammy Sosa hurt himself sneezing
peter,
i don’t know that i own any item of clothing that doesn’t look like it’s from the 90s (even the stuff i bought last week). the 90s were the golden age of american history as far as i’m concerned. remember – grunge never dies!
Peter, can you make sure to clean out the hair trap in the shower from now on? I clean it after every shower and it never fails that the thing is plum full again the next time I’m there turning on the water, and none of it’s red either. It’s all dark Sasquatch hair.
Thanks,
Andrew
Andrew the roomate is a funny guy!
I’d like to be back in the 90′s so Australia is still the world champions at Rugby Union. Damn that Johnnie Wilkinson & his double overtime fieldgoal!