The Awkward Belligerant Question

Every now and again, I like to use The John Larroquette Project to document incredibly awkward moments in my life, today I’d like to talk about the Awkward Belligerent Question.

This is a rare sort of awkward moment, brought on only by the actions of somebody unaware of their surroundings or the background of somebody they’re talking to. A classic example might be somebody who continues to talk about how much they love their dad and telling funny stories about him before asking the other person, “What about your dad? What’s he like?”, and receiving the answer, “My father died last week.”

I was the recipient of an Awkward Belligerent Question last week. Church had just finished up, and I was going around talking to some friends of mine. Eventually I made my way over to a seat near where my girlfriend Bridgette was talking to my friend Adam. As I struck up a conversation with Bridgette, Adam began talking to another person sitting nearby. Bridgette had been having a tough time that day, so our conversation was a bit quiet at first. At one point, I asked her, “Is everything ok?” She didn’t initially answer, but gave me a look that indicated that it wasn’t. At this point, Adam abruptly re-joined the conversation by loudly blurting out, “WHY AREN’T YOU TALKING?!” I chuckled uncomfortably and mumbled something, and Bridgette remained quiet while Adam started up his conversation with the other person again.

The moment had been swiftly destroyed by Adam’s Awkward Belligerent Question, and we were left swimming in its wake. By the next day, it was pretty funny, particularly because we know that Adam didn’t mean to alienate anybody, it’s just a part of his nature. After all, Adam is one of the members of the Alienating Boys Club (along with me, the founding member). It is in our nature to inadvertently abuse and alienate other people. I can’t tell you how many female acquaintances approached me between the years of 2000-2002 to ask me, “Do you not like me for some reason?” I’ve since gotten a little better, but I fear that my interactions with women will always be somewhat clumsy and uncomfortable for everyone involved. I seem to be unable to avoid making stupid comments or creating pregnant pauses in conversation. Fortunately, Bridgette seems to enjoy my awkwardness, and has thus far put up with my inadvertent alienation. I’m quite the lucky guy. :)

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5 Responses to The Awkward Belligerant Question

  1. *tami* says:

    i feel adam’s pain. usually my big idiot moments come when asking after a (unbeknownts to me ex) boyfriend/girlfriend/best friend. i have found that i am always a bit on edge when i say, “so what’s soandso up to these days?”

  2. Carla Jean says:

    And Adam wonders why he doesn’t have a “ho”? :)

  3. Jamie says:

    lol CJ

    Tami I so feel you.

    my most awkward moment went to the day my roommate sally got engaged the same day Matt and I broke up (both sally and I were on the break up get back together break up and get married plan).

    we were at a table and sally said “Jamie Mike isnt my boyfriend anymore”. i said “thats ok Matt isnt mine either. what happened”. *silence* then she said “um… thats because he is my finace.” oh. so this wasnt a lament about our exes moment. I dont even know if she remembers that, but I laugh when I think about it.

  4. dave says:

    As the lights come up we see Dave working in the shoe department, helping a customer fit her young long-haired child with a new pair of sneakers. Aaaaand “Action”…

    Dave: (to Mom) So what size does your little girl wear?
    Mom: He wears a 6. And now I’m gonna rip you a new one.

  5. Geof says:

    I’d damn Adam for this, but I do it, too. :)

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