Not Quite Sass

The sports world is abuzz with Triple Crown fever!

The young colt Smarty Jones has blown away the competition in the first two stages of the Triple Crown, and now only the final stage – the Belmont Stakes – stands in its way. If Smarty Jones were to win the Triple Crown, he would be the first horse to do so since 1978! What an amazing feat that would be! I simply can’t wait to see what happens!

Of course, it would probably help if I ever cared about horseracing to begin with. That’s the funny thing about horseracing – people only care if there’s a chance that a horse will win the Triple Crown, but even that interest is completely fraudulent because nobody cared in the first place. It’s an utterly irrelevant activity in every possible sense.

On the other hand, Smarty Jones will be racing against horses with such provocative names as “Rock Hard 10” and “Tap That”. If I were Smarty Jones, those names alone would be enough to motivate me to stay well ahead of those two horses. I’ll just take the owner’s word for it that his horse is a Rock Hard 10, thank you very much.

There really isn’t a point to this post. My friend Kevin wrote me a funny email commenting on the inherent futility of horseracing, and I thought I could come up with something funny enough to blog about. Clearly my instincts were wrong on this one. I’ll regroup and be back tomorrow with a better effort. I’ll write about something wacky like bizarre excercize machines or junior high swim class. Maybe I’ll go off on some pleasantly insane diatribe about tapioca pudding. Don’t you worry, though. I’ll be zany and sassy, and you’ll all get your fix. Just get off my back for once.

I drive a Dodge Stratus! I deserve some respect!

This entry was posted in Rants. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Not Quite Sass

  1. Geof says:

    No one who drives a Dodge deserves respect. I know. I drove one for a year.

  2. *tami* says:

    i just watched seabiscuit last night. [doodoo doodoo doodoo doodoo -- ps: that's supposed to be the twilight zone]

    i don’t understand why a horse wouldn’t win the triple crown. maybe this is some nascaar/horse race that i’ve never heard of. if i were smarty jones, i’d also stay well away from the viagra car. that’s probably what happened to tap and rock.

  3. Adam says:

    I think we should talk about how much we hate horseracing like we talked about hating NASCAR.

    Horses are ugly. Anyone who rides one is a loser. I wish the triple crown would go away, because it sucks. It sucks like a street cleaner that is blocking traffic on a busy road. Damn you Smokey and the Bandit! You are the bane of my existence.

  4. kevin sawyer says:

    To make it more exciting, the losing horse should be gelded immediately following the race, by George Carlin and/or a nominal reality TV celebrity.

    “Hi, I’m comedian George Carlin. Now I’m going to cut the testicles off of a horse. Well, let’s get started.”

  5. peter says:

    And Kevin wins the Comment Of The Day award!

    Nicely done.

  6. Adam says:

    Wow. That was so alienating!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>