I hate being asked the question, “What kind of music do you listen to?”
It’s one of those impossible situations where you’re asked to describe something that’s probably impossible to summarize in a single sentance, knowing full well that the person who asked is preparing to make important character judgements based solely on your answer. Here, for the benefit of all of us, is the decoding system used by people who ask these questions. Now you can know the significance of your answers!
Note – I fall into many of these categories myself.
“I listen to anything besides country.” = I have no discerning taste and I’ll listen to whatever’s on the radio.
“I love U2.” = I’m a Christian, but I’m too cool to listen to Christian music. (note: this person is not as cool as they think they are)
“I listen to a lot of indie stuff.” = If you’ve heard of a band, then I hate them.
“I’m a big Elliot Smith fan” = I have been prescribed Zoloft.
“Mostly Led Zeppelin.” = I am in my mid-40’s, but my musical pallatte stopped growing at age 18.
“I like Nickelback and Three Doors Down.” = I lead an utterly pointless existance.
“I love Bob Dylan.” = I’ve grown good at post-rationalizing.
“I listen to a lot of acoustic singer-songwriters.” = I am lonely and wish to be married as soon a possible. As a bonus, I am also incredibly pretentious.
“I love Rush and Yes” – My priorities are hopelessly out of line.
“I like Bon Jovi” = I am a boring woman.
“Coldplay is my new favorite band.” = I like my rock ‘n’ roll as safe as possible.
“I own mostly movie soundtracks.” = I do not understand how to listen to an album.
“I love Neil Diamond.” = I am a 52 year old divorced woman.
“Pearl Jam is probably my favorite band” = I am a white male who was aged between 13-21 in 1992.
“I love EELS” – I am sad and often feel underappreciated.
“I like REM’s early stuff.” = Regardless of the band, I prefer their first album.”
“I’m a big Radiohead fan” = I am not as intelligent as I think I am.
So what do I say when asked this question? Simple. I tell them that I listen to mostly Dutch music. That seems to leave them confounded.