Is there anything more cruel and sadistic than junior high swimming class?
“Well children, I know that your young bodies are developing and growing in new areas, and that your physical development has reached its most awkward and horrific stage. Having said that, I’d like all of you to get into these filthy, school-issued swimsuits and then present yourselves to the other boys and girls in our class. Now I’m also aware that certain parts of young boys bodies have minds of their own at this age, and that the skin-tight swimming trunks we’re issuing you will only serve to horrify your peers and further humiliate and scar you, but this is the price we pay for proper physical education.”
“Very good. I see that all of you have properly changed into your swimwear. Your boney, uncoordinated limbs and sallow skin are now revealed for all your classmates to see. Please note that everybody is looking at you and judging you while I speak. You will also see that there is no comfortable position for you to place your arms, so I would suggest using them to cover your genitalia, as most of you have already done instinctively.”
“For today’s class, we’re all going to get in the water and do a few rudimentary swim excercizes. We will then heighten the level of awkwardness by having all of you observe each other getting out of the pool. You will likely remember these terrible moments for the rest of your lives. You will then return to your respective locker rooms, disrobe, and take a shower under adult supervision. There is, of course, no reason for an adult to observe you taking a shower, other than for the sheer cruelty of it.”
“Okay, let’s get started!”