Plan B

I came in to work today all excited about my blog entry. I had a funny idea picked out, based on a popcorn-related mishap at work yesterday, but when I checked out Adam’s blog this morning, I see that he had already written a very funny bit on it.

Damn you, Adam. Now I am left wandering in blogsqualor without a suitable topic to write about.

I suppose I could go ahead and do the bit I was thinking about on burning popcorn, but it would be pointless. Adam’s writing is quite similar to how I would have gone about it anyway, with unnerving descriptors and even the violent punchline to punctuate the humor at the end. I could make this entry about my slow-burning, intense hatred of Adam’s blog, but I’ll save that for next week, after I punch Adam in the mouth and make him bleed.

So basically I’ve got nothing. Except for this:

As a fan, I’ve long been bothered with Neil Diamond’s appearance. The glittery shirts, the poofy hair, the caterpillar eyebrows, the sideburns inexplicably combed over the ears, and his ever-growing nose.
Old Neil
Over the years Neil has come to resemble a Jim Henson creation. He is missing only the ping pong ball eyes. Maybe upon his death I will finally see this dream come to fruition. It would be a death with dignity – having him stuffed and manipulated with a puppeteer who allows us to witness him performing “America” one last time, but with the added intensity that googly eyes would bring. Maybe someday we could witness such a glorious vision…
Googly Neil
Image courtesy of Ryan (Guy Incognito)

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6 Responses to Plan B

  1. *tami* says:

    peter, i think that adam somehow slipped into your mind last night and stole your thoughts on the subject of popcorn. i already told him that he sounded vaguely peter-like in his post. you’d better get one of these… http://zapatopi.net/afdb.html

  2. SarahJane says:

    you say you have nothing to post… and then brilliantly come up with a witty spot on the pleasure of seeing a human “stuffed and manipulated” with strings on a stage after his death.

    Beautiful.

  3. Jamie says:

    “Perhaps there is some nitwit who likes burnt popcorn. He most likely sits in his cube and pours it all over his fat greasy face while he makes grunting noises every 3 seconds. Since he is so benevolent and wishes that everyone could enjoy the sweet aroma of the charred kernels, he is sure to thoroughly burn them to the point where everyone else is throwing up. Once there is a considerable amount of vomit on the floor, he then rolls around in it, making sure to spread it all over his body as he sweetly whispers, “This is because of you my tasty blackened buttered bag of Act II Butter Lovers Popcorn.” He then goes back to his cub and bows before his graven image of Orville Redenbacher and thanks the microwave popcorn gods for his sensual experience. ”

    that is an oh so peter image.

    you should totally sue

  4. Adam says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I ripped you off so bad.

    (Ow my mouth hurts)

  5. Guy Incognito says:

    I don’t know why this blog is named the John Larroquette Project, but the other questions are easy. The banner at the top came from a past post. Here it is: http://johnlarroquetteproject.com/archives/2004/04/08/i-hate-the-sun/

    Peter will have to address the name of his blog.

  6. Susan says:

    Peter, you and Adam aren’t the only ones blogging about burnt popcorn these days:

    http://missyjowantsayoyo.blogspot.com/

    (my friend’s sister, who is generally hilarious and also despises burnt popcorn smell)

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