Shame Payments

The benefits at my job are really outstanding. I get three weeks paid vacation, along with full medical and dental insurance. Even better, my company is nice enough to pay me in shame.

I do get paid in money, although not very much. The money I make is enough for me to pay my bills and keep going to school. I’m thankful for it, but I’m doubly appreciative of the shame that my current position heaps upon me as well. Granted, I’ve made more shame at previous jobs. In fall 2000, after I had graduated college I had to briefly move back into my parents home and work at a movie theater. I worked at this same theater when I was 16, and now I was back again as a 21-year old, selling tickets and suffering through humiliating encounters with people I knew in high school going to the movies. In that job, I made $7.25 an hour plus all the shame I could bear. I made more shame units per hour than I ever had, but it was tough picking up enough hours.

My current job isn’t quite as emasculating and awful, though my company isn’t bashful about distributing shame upon me and my co-workers. We are often treated like delinquant children, and conversely rewarded with candy and toy cars (I’m completely serious). There is a veritable bounty of shame to be had for a man in my position. Fortunately, I thrive on shame. It wounds me deeply, paralyzing me with fear and feelings of overwhelming inadequacy. I then feel too worthless and pathetic to look for work elsewhere, thus ensuring my continued employment at my job. For a man like me who needs stability, being compensated in shame is a true blessing.

This fall, when I begin my career as a teacher I will demand early on to be given additional shame. If the administation will not submit to these demands, I plan to take my grievance to the union for help. I don’t care how they give me the shame; I just know that at this point my lifestyle needs to be maintained through shame. Perhaps I can be ordered to clean up my students vomit, or maybe all the other teachers could mercilessly mock and ridicule me. Maybe the principal could force me to defecate myself in front of my 4th hour class. All these options would provide me with the shame that cruelly fuels my identity. I need the sweet shame so bad.

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20 Responses to Shame Payments

  1. Roger says:

    I would think the student would give you plenty of shame without having to take it to the principal or the superintendant. I mean, what else can you get out of a bunch of kids with ADHD that you can’t punish for anything wrong they do? Shame, that’s what. And plenty of it. Maybe if you’re lucky they’ll let you beat them up on the playground, too.

  2. Roger says:

    I totally butchered that, and I can’t edit it. I meant if you’re lucky they’ll let you get beat up by them on the playground. My bad :shame:

  3. lauren says:

    i share your movie theater shame. except mine was during and after high school, while i was still fresh in everyone’s mind. my fav was when some people who were “too cool” for you in high school would be nice to you hoping you would let them in free. it was always fun not doing it. “i didn’t need your attention or care about you then and i still don’t now” i would laugh and say as i took their money from them. i feel the power!

  4. Stewart Folly says:

    Sadly, my company just awarded all of us 30 shame points with provideing all of us a Hotwheel’s car to go along with the Race track Sales theam they cooked up. The sad part is I’m workig a project that the company asked me to do, and I’m having to jump through hoops to get the budget for it, which would we less then the cost of putting a Toy car on everyone’s desk.

    Some days I think Marketing would be a fun department to work in, then they go and start blowing sunshine at every Orifice that was never intended have sunshine enter.

  5. Geof says:

    Opportunities for shame are always extant.

  6. Adam says:

    Peter if you don’t buy me lunch today, I will show this to our boss.

    (Adam who is out of money).

  7. lauren says:

    and yet the shame grows from one of your “friends”

  8. ted says:

    peter- I bet if you asked they would make you sit at the loser table and throw things at you. consequently that is where adam sits so you can buy him lunch

  9. *tami* says:

    peter: don’t worry, where the students and the faculty fail you, the parents will more than make up for.

  10. ted says:

    peter not only will you fail to inspire your students or teach them anything you will fail to raise them as teachers are now required to.

  11. Adam says:

    I sat at the table with the staight A kids who make tons of money now. I don’t. I should have sat at the loser table :(

  12. lauren says:

    straight A table was the loser table, those with no life anyway;)

  13. Dumb Things At Amazon says:

    no 1st amendment huh

  14. peter says:

    The first amendment begins “Congress shall make no law…”

    It doesn’t apply to my blog :)

    Just try to keep the comments relevant to either the thread discussion or the blog post (avoiding anonymity also helps). I’d welcome your thoughts otherwise!

  15. lauren says:

    “non 1st amendment huh”
    what in the world?

  16. peter says:

    Lauren-
    Just to clarify, that gentleman posted a whole mess of irrelevant links, so I deleted them all.

    Clearly, I am oppressing him.

  17. lauren says:

    so why would he act like you were censoring him or something? what a wierdo!

  18. Adam says:

    You stupid congress man! Peter that is it I am sending to our boss!

  19. the Sage says:

    Shame on you for writing such things!

  20. Morgan says:

    Yeah comeon Peter… How dare you? You big meanie…

    Did you buy Adam lunch? You should’ve…

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