Melting McCartney

Apparently Paul McCartney has melted to death. I have direct photographic evidence.

Here’s McCartney during the Help! era Beatles. Note that he shows no signs of melting whatsoever.

And here’s Paul during the first few moments of his tragic public melting. At this point, he was melodiously calling out, “Please help me. I’m melting to death. For the sake of all that is sacred, do something!” Those present ignored his requests.

Shortly after this photo was snapped, McCartney’s skin slid off his face and plopped onto the floor. His bones and tendons sagged and then melted as if they were made of cheese. It has been rumored that several members of the media who were there then dipped some tostidas into his remains and began consuming him as if he were a nacho.

It’s sad that such an amazing musician and great man had to go this way. Surely, most people wouldn’t choose to melt to death and then be consumed by a few reporters with the munchies. It is tragic that the man who penned “Penny Lane” and “Hey Jude” was used as a dip upon his death, certain to be digested and transformed into waste matter. If only those hungry reporters had taken McCartney’s own advice to “let it be” or “call the paramedics” instead of defiling his remains in unspeakable ways.

At times like this, I’m comforted with the gentle lyrics of the man himself:
Why don’t we do it in the road?
Why don’t we do it in the road?
No one will be watching us
Why don’t we do it in the road?