I had a lousy night last night as I realized that at some point I must have misplaced a bag that I kept all my guitar paraphernalia in. It was filled with cables, tuners, strings, and all sorts of goodies – worth at least $300. I called every place it might have been, and nobody had any idea where it was.
Do you have it?
It’s okay if you do – I totally understand. It must have been hard to see my bag sitting there, overflowing with tantalizing goodness, like the horn of plenty. Perhaps your mouth began to water at the sight of my new Boss tuner, fresh out of the box. Surely your fingertips trembled from seeing the Elixer strings pouring forth out of the bag, swollen with delights. It would be hard to resist taking such a treasure.
So you took my bag from me – no big deal. Tell you what, I’ll turn around for 10 seconds, and you can just set the bag down right here between us. I promise I won’t be mad, and I’ll never say a word about it again. It’s totally cool. Okay, I’m turning around now.
I’m covering my eyes.
Okay this is seriously not cool. Not only did you steal my bag, but now you’re refusing to return it? This is a new low for you, my friend. You were a fool to think you could pull one over on me like this, and now you’ve awoken a sleeping giant. I’m giving you 30 seconds to turn the bag over to me. If you still choose not to, I’ll make sure that you’ll regret that decision for the remainder of your short life. I will be ruthless. I’ll punch you in your left eye until turns to jelly. I will pull out a rusty blade and cut open your belly, your entrails spilling forth onto the ground like hot Chipotle black beans. Mangy street dogs will fight over your intestines before your very eyes. My soft-spoken father, Chet, will join in, hailing a stream of curses down upon you like you’ve never heard. I will throw rotten apples at your head as you lay defenseless. I will break your thumbs with a brick. It will be your day of reckoning.
Do the right thing. Just give me back my bag. Do it now.
first
I needed some new gear.. not to play.. but to support my own out of proportion hair product needs.. sorry…
I’ll get you the bag, squeezle! Don’t bust my incisors!
(I don’t have the bag)
What bag?
Yes, for the record it’s a clear plastic grocery bag filled with the aforementioned items.
And I still hate all of you.
Peter: Come and get it, buttmunch!
That sucks bro. Sorry to hear about that. Let me know if you need to borrow anything for tonight.
it is physically impossible for me to have the bag. i would have to have travelled — what? 20,000 miles in the night and still been back to work fresh-faced at 8 am. i think not, my friend, twas not i whom has stolen thine precious cornucopia of accesories.
I have a plastic CUB bag you could have to start over with.
Did you want me to bring it tonight?
(You didn’t bring it to the Rock TV office did you?)
Was there anything in the bag?
Kevin- please refer to paragraph one of this post.
peter’s blog is the only one were people read the comments and not the blog.. hehe.. apparently…
Come and get it, sucka! mwuhahahahaha!
I have your bag and I will return it on the condition that you give me lessons. I want to play like a pro… actually i do, but like a pro wrestler so… your choice.
tam- your comment reminds me of night at the roxbury. did you just grab my ass?
lauren: that was the vibe i was trying to channel. i’m glad you caught it.
i know your tricks!
hey, that’s what i’m here for
P.S. I finally found my bag. The place of our last Welmore Mile concert called to tell me they have it! Hooray!
Good news!