If you’re anything like me, you’re concerned that your food doesn’t resemble your cleaning supplies closely enough. Fortunately, now we can purchase crustless bread from Iron Kids!
Oftentimes, when I’m cleaning the bathroom, I will look fondly at the sponge I am using to clean the outside of my toilet and wonder, “Why can’t I eat this? Why is God so cruel as to forbid me from eating such a tantalizingly appetizing item?” In a few dark, undisciplined moments, the sponge has drifted from the toilet to my tongue, with results too horrifying to speak of.
Nowdays, when my lips yearn for the sweet texture of the sponge, I can satiate their lusts with crustless bread. It’s really the best of both worlds – it looks and feels like sponge, but it’s non-toxic and fortified with calcium! No longer do we have to experience hours of dry heaving after ingesting toilet bowl cleaner and fecal residue, our bodies wracked with agony brought on by the cruel beckoning whispers of our bathroom sponges. Now we can apply the fecal residue directly to the crustless bread and consume to our heart’s delight! Conversely, if you don’t have a washcloth handy, you can simply grab a slice of crustless bread and wipe off your counter while strengthening it with calcium!
Sometimes life is so good that you just have to sit back and bask in the sun, knowing that you’ve got it made. Me, I’m living a charmed life with my crustless bread. Iron Kids’ crustless bread is the physical manifestation of all my hopes and dreams. It is perfect – the alpha and omega. And it has my vote on November 2nd.
Thanks to Adam for the pictures!