Sorry I’m a little late in posting here – I’ve been locked in a grim battle to the finish with my computer here at work.
With my last day of work drawing near (8/20), these daily battles with my computer have become a war of attrition. As we deal brutal blows back and forth, my only hope is to somehow outlast it. If I can emerge standing next Friday, then I will know that I have won the battle, though I have taken on a lot of damage from the constant barrage of error messages and spyware. My strategy at this point is to lay low in my trench, get my work done, let my computer relax a bit, and on my last day of work I’ll take a hand axe to the damn thing.
I shoulder this burden willingly. I wish to do what I can to slow the unrelenting advance of the computers. With the internet and all, our children are now being raised by the cruel, emotionless touch of the computer. Linda Hamilton warned us repeatedly of this in Terminator 2: Judgement Day, but we did not heed her. Fortunately, I have thought long and hard about this, and I have a plan. Man’s ultimate weapon against the machines is the secret of fire. The computer will never learn fire. With fire, we shall see the blood and microchips of the computers roll down the slopes of Zion. I don’t want to reveal any more of this plan for fear that the computers are reading this. Suffice to say that in order to win, we will be forced to set mankind back a thousand years, causing the advent of another dark age that will last for a minimum of three centuries.
It’s worth it though, because this browser is really annoying me today.
:insert Geek Board exhortation to use Firefox here:
peter, have you learned nothing from the movies? never reveal your plan! NEVER! now the computers know and will use your own evil scheme against you.
And after we defeat the evil machines, all mankind will unite in a massive celebration. Humans will gather from all over the world in the new World Capital City – Des Moines, Iowa. The World Government will take the broken CRT glass and shattered motherboards, and dump them all into an Olympic sized swimming pool, and all humanity will take turns swimming in the remnants of the machines. And no one will mind the fact that everyone has to get at least 842 stitches after the ceremonial swim, because we’ll all be really f***ing wasted.
Hooray for _steve’s comments!
Way to pick up the ball and run with it.
GOD HAS BLESSED ME WITH HIS VOICE!!!!
THANK YOU LORD LARROQUETTE!!!!!
amen brotha!!
people violence is not the solution. If we set up a National Awareness of Avgrivated Computers Program (NAACP) then the war could be avioded. Heck we could even give them rights like animals. There has to be another way!
ted, you just don’t want the computers to try to kill you!!! be a man!!! stand up to them!!! or…. are you one of them?
Ted, you humanizing bastard, you’ll be executed for spouting such treachery!!
Computers are good. I can easily organized my recipes!
Hooray for the dark ages!!! Life was much simpler then….no Big Brother and no telemarketers!!!
I can be a man I just like computers (there is one reading over my shoulder) Send Help!
Stay calm, Ted. The A-Team has already been parachuted into your location. Stay strong, soldier! You’ll be out soon!
People:
Ted is going to die. I call dibs on his stereo.
I do have a nice stereeeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
it’s a trick!!! he said “i CAN be a man”. he’s a computer robot!!!!