Friends Are Friends Forever

Today marks the end of an era for the John Larroquette Project. For nine months, I have regaled you five times a week with my pleasantly insane delusions, and flights of fancy into realms of lust, violence, and beyond. It has been quite a ride. But now, with the advent of my new career, I will be forced to scale back the John Larroquette Project a bit. I anticipate writing new entries two or three afternoons a week, as time permits.

I apologize about this, because I know how important the John Larroquette Project has become to your daily life. I wish I could offer another blog that could fill this hole for you, but frankly, every other blog in existance sucks my ass compared with the JLP.

To commemorate the end of this era of daily blogging, I would like to leave all of you with an appropriate message. Given the content of this blog, I am of course speaking of the message of sheer hatred. You see, I hate all of you. Most of you I don’t know, but be assured that if I did ever meet you, I would loathe you to a degree beyond human comprehension. My desire to punish you for your iniquity and insufferability would be enough to clog all my vital organs with pure, concentrated revulsion. Many of you I know personally. To you people, I reserve only the highest form of hatred. Cloaked in a passive-aggresive guise of slick smiles and side remarks, I have hidden my disgust for you for years so that I could release it upon you at this very moment. Your faces, personalities, and in fact your very existances are an abomination, and a permanent stain on the human race, like human excrament on the living room carpet of our world. I wish that there was enough time for me to go into detail in describing the degree to which each of you nauseate me with your odious selves, but alas, there is not. Writing this blog for you people is like throwing pearls before swine, but I will do my best to keep this going for you ingrates. I hope that you can find another purpose for your life, in liu of the JLP’s absence. I don’t hold out hope that this will happen for most of you, but it is my prayer nonetheless.

Thank you, and good day. :)

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16 Responses to Friends Are Friends Forever

  1. Rhonda says:

    My self esteem needed a boost today..and I knew where to find it. :)

  2. Uosdwis R. Jawoh says:

    When have you hidden your disgust for everyone? You tell me you hate me almost weekly.

  3. Adam says:

    Mean people suck.

  4. Reilly says:

    Peter, your love rivals that of Ghandi.

  5. Sarah says:

    If I’m part of the human excrement on the living room carpet of the world, then you my dear Peter are the lingering stench that just won’t go away.

  6. Roger says:

    Oh, Oh! I can I be a chunk of undigested corn that lies in the poop?

  7. Rhonda says:

    By the way…I don’t appreciate you stealing the title of my post today. I posted the exact same title but hours before you did.

  8. peter says:

    A friend will not say never, Rhonda. :)

  9. Rhonda says:

    It’s hard to let you go, Peter.

  10. Drewy says:

    *sniff*…*tears welling up in eyes*…peter, you almost brought me to tears with your touching tribute today.

    So many emotions filled my heart that I am having to choke back the tears…mix the feeling of your concentrated hatred of all things human, with the thought of Michael W. Smith in concert ending a rousing 2 hour show by singing “Friends” and 20,000 fans all holding hands and hugging, with the smell of fresh poop smeared on the carpet…and you get an idea of how I was feeling as I read your post today. Indeed, it was almost too much to handle.

    It’s been a fun ride. I hate goodbyes!

  11. Peter, you remind me of a gorgeous stone or rock that I find in a rich forest… but, once it’s turned over, I find an army of ants and a few worms poking their heads out of the ground. Is this how you want to make me feel, you emotionally oppressive man!? Am I the worm in the tightly packed soil while you are the stone sitting upon me, shining ever so brightly at cute, European-looking girls gawking at your beauty as they hike by you? (sadness)


  12. Ted says:

    I dont know what to say… ditto.

  13. the Sage says:

    oh well…there’s always to read in the meantime.

    It’s just as good as yours. For example, here’s a recent entry:

    “Never Let Anyone tell you that you are not perfect Or That You Are Not Special Because You Are! Be True To Yourself And Never Let Anyone Change You.”

    Now if you could write stuff like that, we’d actually miss your sad little blog.

  14. _steve says:

    It’s spelled “lieu,” you disgusting, unwashed blob of bacteria.

  15. trey says:

    so peter what you’re saying is that..

    “I have a chance”

  16. lauren says:

    oh peter, i wish that i could meet you so that i could be one of those you were just talking about. how i long to be hated with such intensity, one day my friend, one day…

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