Today marks the end of an era for the John Larroquette Project. For nine months, I have regaled you five times a week with my pleasantly insane delusions, and flights of fancy into realms of lust, violence, and beyond. It has been quite a ride. But now, with the advent of my new career, I will be forced to scale back the John Larroquette Project a bit. I anticipate writing new entries two or three afternoons a week, as time permits.
I apologize about this, because I know how important the John Larroquette Project has become to your daily life. I wish I could offer another blog that could fill this hole for you, but frankly, every other blog in existance sucks my ass compared with the JLP.
To commemorate the end of this era of daily blogging, I would like to leave all of you with an appropriate message. Given the content of this blog, I am of course speaking of the message of sheer hatred. You see, I hate all of you. Most of you I don’t know, but be assured that if I did ever meet you, I would loathe you to a degree beyond human comprehension. My desire to punish you for your iniquity and insufferability would be enough to clog all my vital organs with pure, concentrated revulsion. Many of you I know personally. To you people, I reserve only the highest form of hatred. Cloaked in a passive-aggresive guise of slick smiles and side remarks, I have hidden my disgust for you for years so that I could release it upon you at this very moment. Your faces, personalities, and in fact your very existances are an abomination, and a permanent stain on the human race, like human excrament on the living room carpet of our world. I wish that there was enough time for me to go into detail in describing the degree to which each of you nauseate me with your odious selves, but alas, there is not. Writing this blog for you people is like throwing pearls before swine, but I will do my best to keep this going for you ingrates. I hope that you can find another purpose for your life, in liu of the JLP’s absence. I don’t hold out hope that this will happen for most of you, but it is my prayer nonetheless.
Thank you, and good day.