The other day I woke up at my regular time to get ready for work, and I noticed that I was a lot more tired than usual. I glanced again at my alarm clock and shrugged it off – I had been sleeping for over eight hours. I took my shower (for a detailed description of my showering habits, please send me a personal email and I’ll be more than happy to oblige), and grabbed breakfast before getting in my car and zipping off to work. About 15 minutes into my drive I happened to glance at the clock in my car and noticed that I was an hour early. Somehow, the time on my alarm clock must have been set ahead an hour, and now I felt like an idiot.
After vomiting with fury, I continued on the road to work, stopping briefly for a donut and newspaper to help fill my time. I don’t know how my alarm clock got ahead an hour. However, initial indications are that Lucifer, the Prince of Lies, physically manifested himself in my bedroom that night and caused mayhem with my stuff. It appears that he may have also re-arranged my shirts and rummaged through my junk drawer. After doing this, he returned to his unholy dwelling and resumed torturing the damned with searing hellfire and pointy sticks.
This is not the first time that Mephistopheles has thwarted me. Last November, he sent one of his demonic knaves to hide my keys from me for over 30 minutes. I had the last laugh though, because they were in my other jacket pocket. Beelzebub won’t be so easily outwitted the next time. If I show such disrespect to him again, he is likely to use the skull of my father as his goblet.
So touchÃ©, my archfiend. TouchÃ©. You have outfoxed me with your darstardly clock-trickery. You win this time, but I’ll be back with some holy water and a crucifix and then we’ll see who’s eternally torturing who.