Duel with the Devil

The other day I woke up at my regular time to get ready for work, and I noticed that I was a lot more tired than usual. I glanced again at my alarm clock and shrugged it off – I had been sleeping for over eight hours. I took my shower (for a detailed description of my showering habits, please send me a personal email and I’ll be more than happy to oblige), and grabbed breakfast before getting in my car and zipping off to work. About 15 minutes into my drive I happened to glance at the clock in my car and noticed that I was an hour early. Somehow, the time on my alarm clock must have been set ahead an hour, and now I felt like an idiot.

After vomiting with fury, I continued on the road to work, stopping briefly for a donut and newspaper to help fill my time. I don’t know how my alarm clock got ahead an hour. However, initial indications are that Lucifer, the Prince of Lies, physically manifested himself in my bedroom that night and caused mayhem with my stuff. It appears that he may have also re-arranged my shirts and rummaged through my junk drawer. After doing this, he returned to his unholy dwelling and resumed torturing the damned with searing hellfire and pointy sticks.

This is not the first time that Mephistopheles has thwarted me. Last November, he sent one of his demonic knaves to hide my keys from me for over 30 minutes. I had the last laugh though, because they were in my other jacket pocket. Beelzebub won’t be so easily outwitted the next time. If I show such disrespect to him again, he is likely to use the skull of my father as his goblet.

So touché, my archfiend. Touché. You have outfoxed me with your darstardly clock-trickery. You win this time, but I’ll be back with some holy water and a crucifix and then we’ll see who’s eternally torturing who.

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11 Responses to Duel with the Devil

  1. Roger says:

    He’s also the one who took your concert equipment that one time you were asking. Did I forget to mention that?

  2. _steve says:


  3. Rhonda says:

    Glad to see that you still vomit with emotion.

  4. Kristie says:

    Yeah, that ‘vomiting with fury’ line–I realize it was probably tongue in cheek, and in reality, may have never happened at all…BUT…just reminded me how whenever I’m feeling furious (fury-ful?) my stomach’s first inclination is to empty itself of any superfluous matter too!

  5. Adam says:

    Why does Satan have to be such a bastard?

  6. I’ve never read such a dramatic post against the devil. Wonderful stuff. I feel like a duel with the devil is like a shwashbuckling endeavor with swords and all that. The only thing is that he isn’t a gentleman and never will be. If you drop your sword, there will be no letting you pick it up and continuing the duel. He’ll just lunge at you with every kind of evil oppostion he’s got.

  7. Roger says:

    Peter, will you be wearing the armour of God, or will you use a sling?

  8. Uosdwis R. Jawoh says:

    I’m assuming armour of God. Peter’s way to big to identify with David. The devil will have the sling.

  9. Ann says:

    Peter, it’s “whom”…we’ll see who’s eternally torturing WHOM…and you call yourself a teacher!

  10. Sarah says:

    Damn the devil! Now I know how it happened when my clock suddenly jumped ahead an hour. I’ve also experienced my alarm going off at 7pm instead of 7am.

    Another unsolved mystery solved ;o)

  11. Ted says:

    oh a sorry about the clock thing. Really it was a funny story I just happened to beam into your room and I bumped it while looking for my transmitter. Sorry…… Or it was the devil… yeah the devil did it…. lets go with that.

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