Greetings, young fools.
I apologize about the lack of entries recently. I’ve been occupied with job-related business as well as some new Welmore Mile recording. Aside from the fatalities, each have gone remarkably well.
A while back, I enjoyed an afternoon visit to the Minnesota State Fair. The fair is a wonderful place to observe the greasy, mulleted underbelly of the humanity, eat and drink until you’ve had your fill of gluttony and watch a performance by the Allman Brothers. Though I had to sadly miss out on my southern rock, I did enjoy the first two activities. I particularly enjoyed the foods offered at the fair, which consist primarily of cheese and meat variants, mostly deep fried, and preferably on a stick.
I came in and got started with some corn on the cob on a stick. Then I concluded my round of appetizers with a foot-long corn dog on a stick. Then I was on to the main course. Within 25 minutes I consumed a hamburger, a beef-kabob, and a turkey leg. For dessert I had a root beer float and a deep-fried Snickers. The weather was hot and muggy, I was surrounded with thousands of sweating, mustachioed mouth-breathers, and I was bloated and from massive grease intake.
I collapsed beneath a picnic table for nearly an hour, my breathing labored due to a 4-inch turkey bone lodged in my esophagus, as well as the 14 pounds of food now making its way through my intestines. I knew that I would have to be leaving shortly, and I didn’t want to waste my $9 admission fee, so I slowly waddled back into the fray, looking for more foods to engorge myself to death with. I eventually purchased a deep-fried pelican and ate the entire thing, pausing only to nibble around the spine, where the tastiest pelican meat tends to hide. The sea bird was tender and juicy, redolent of duck but with the added tangy crisp of a Butterfinger bar. By this point my shirt was stretched to the point where it now tore in two, and my hair was now slick with sweat and meat juices. As I was about to leave, I stopped at one last food stand where I deep-fried my left arm and ate my own skin and muscle off the bone. The man-flesh was succulent and moist, and I ingested my fill of myself…
Man, I can’t wait to go back next year…