Oronoco Meat

Sorry I haven’t been posting much in the last week. My mother had surgery last week, and I never quite felt up to the level of weirdness needed to write these damn things. But time passes, and I must again do this to all of you.

On the drive from my parent’s place to my home in the Twin Cities, there is a puzzling sight to behold. It is a crude, hand-painted sign next to a small farmhouse near the tiny town of Oronoco, MN.

The sign reads: “ELK MEAT, ETC.”

Is anybody else a bit disturbed about what exactly that “et cetera” is implying?

I would like to think that the sign might more accurately read, “ELK MEAT & BUBBLEGUM”, but I fear that the sign might be more along the lines of, “ELK MEAT, HOOVES, AND EYES.”

Where are these farm people procuring this elk meat? Is there an untapped market for elk meat that I’m not aware of? Should I stop and visit these elk-people and purchase their wares and bubblegum? Would they be wearing elk pelts and speaking the ancient, forbidden language of the elk? Would they command me to bow down at their blood-soaked elk altar? Would they viciously attack me with sharpened elk antlers when I refuse to do so? Would they feed my entrails to their hideous, insatiable elk legions? Will the elk generals lead an attack and overrun Oronoco, using the blood of the human inhabitants to please their elk god? Will our human military be rendered impotent against the unholy might of the elk?


So long, my friends. I am off to set these evil events into motion. Have a kickass summer and stay cool.

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4 Responses to Oronoco Meat

  1. *tami* says:

    i’ve had elk meat before. it is good.

  2. Roger says:

    Maybe they are part of the Elk’s Lodge? I would like to try some elk…can you see if they will ship it? If it looks interesting, I’d try some ETC., too.

  3. sarah says:

    “%$#%^? we%$#%$#%^eat$%$$#@%humans^$#%$#%”….. that’s elkish for “we invite you to our land to make peace”

  4. Adam says:

    I love how you came out of your breif moment of pensive seriousness concerning your mother and posted about Elk meat blood soaked altars.

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