When I’m not working or crapping out this nonsense for all of you, I’ve lately enjoyed the company of a very fine biography – Benjamin Franklin: An American Life, by Walter Isaacson.
Franklin’s life was quite an amazing one, filled with wit, wisdom, contradictions, and seafood. He was a cosmopolitan individual with interests in science, philosophy, theology, politics, and homespun advice. Among Ben Franklin’s most notable accomplishments include:
-Using a kite, a wet string, and a key, proving that lightning was electricity and devising that buildings could avoid damage from lightning by using a lightning rod, which he also invented.
-In his annual Poor Richard’s Almanac, he coined such notable phrases as “Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise”, and, “Fish and guests stink after three days.”
-He defeated Craglon the Dragon King by using the Scepter of Avercron, thus ending a thousand years of human misery.
-He was an instrumental voice of moderation and compromise among America’s Founding Fathers.
-He was the first to advise Abraham Lincoln to grow a beard, and ironically was later a stableboy for Robert E. Lee before his left hand was eaten by wild dogs following the battle of Fredricksburg.
-He founded the University of Pennsylvania, along with several other philosophical clubs that exist to this day.
-He briefly served as an archenemy to the Flash.
-He coined the affectionate phrase, “Snug as a bug in a rug” for his godson William.
-He invented satellite radio, though he himself did not know it and no historian has ever made such a claim.
-His illegitimate son, Kenny Rogers, later became a country singer of some renown.
-In his early days as a printer, he molded the ‘Franklin Gothic’ font that many newspapers use to this day.
-He wrote the theme song to “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”.
-He invented running.
-He coined a phrase often misattributed to the Bible: “God helps them that help themselves.”
-While stranded near the north pole, he singlehandedly harpooned a massive sea lion and subsisted off its raw flesh for nigh on 8 years before being rescued by Charles Lindburgh.