For the past few days, I’ve experienced a tremendous amount of pain in my left shoulder in the mornings when I wake up. Quite literally, it feels as if a newborn black dragon had been eagerly suckling off my ball-and-socket joint.
I don’t know what’s causing this discomfort, but I suspect it has something to do with the firmness of my bed and how it distributes my body weight when I sleep on my left side, as I am wont to do. When I wake up, my left arm is stiff, and my shoulder feels about like it did the day after I dislocated it back playing high school football. This aching usually abates within an hour or so after a few direct injections of morphine and a Vicodin cocktail or two. I’ve tried everything I could think of to fix this – I’ve complained to Bridgette and I even removed my mattress and slept on a bed of glass shards and used hypodermic needles, all to no avail.
My last hope is in the sneaking suspicion I have that my troubles are not caused by my mattress or any other internal ailment. My shoulder woes may be being caused by the capricious mischief of the bedchamber gnomes. Those annoying little shits have crossed my path before, when they killed my family’s dog back in ’88. But tonight, I’m going to give them a run for their money. When they sneak into my room and start nibbling on my shoulder joint, I’m going to grab the biggest one by his feet and start slapping him against my dresser until his skull splits open and he dies a vagrant’s death. Then, as the rest of them are scrambling for their lives, I’ll release a WWI-era canister or mustard gas and watch as they cough out their lungs and gouge their eyes in anguish as I observe from the safety of my force-field.
Then if that doesn’t work, I’ll see a doctor.
Maybe you shouldn’t wont to sleep on your shoulder for a while.
At least until the gnomes are decimated and decapitated.
Speaking of which, when you’re done, can you give my force-field back?
I have no arms, be thankful you have those pains.
Why a Black dragon specifically? Maybe it was a Norwegian Witchback dragon eagerly suckling on your shoulder…..
oh and instead of Vicadin, try oxycotin. Then those bedchamber gnomes will really come into focus making them easier to catch.
Of course as everyone knows Black Dragons use a breath weapon of acid, which may mean that your left shoulder ball joint is actually being slowly eaten away by acid as the suspected baby dragon “Suckles†upon you.
http://www.theserenedragon.net/Types/types-addblack.html
Now if it’s more of a Burning Sensation that you’re experiencing it is possible that it’s not a baby black dragon at all, but perhaps a Baby Red one. Whose breathe weapon, which we all know, is of course Fire.
http://www.theserenedragon.net/Types/types-addred.html
However to be entirely honest I’m a bit surprised that you could take so much damage from a baby dragon while you sleep without making your saving roll. Could it be possible you’ve come under some sort of Charming spell, which is rendering you oblivious to the damage from these attacks? What’s you’re THACO, and Armor class?
If you’re still feeling a lot of pain in a few days, then let me know, ‘cause I have 14th level Cleric named Atreyu that I could bring over. He should have enough miscellaneous healing spells to get you back in tip top shape. At least healthy enough to get back to battling that Orc you currently live with.
- DM
On the website for the red dragon, this is listed among the characteristics…
“Can recite inventory of hoard on demand.”
What???
so the red dragon is pretty smart, huh? cool.
good luck with the gnomes pete. those little bastards can be tricky.
To be serious for a little bit, get an inflatable mattress. I had the same problem for a long time, spent a whopping 100 dollars buying an inflatable mattress and I’ve never slept better.
Forget the air Mattress Peter, it’s just a gimick… Seriously order the anti-Dragon pills I e-mailed you about.
DM is a n00b. Everyone knows it’s THAC0, not THACO.
Notice the first one ends in a Zero, not the letter “O”.
Anyway…
Maybe “DM” is just new at typing…