This afternoon, I saw probably the greatest thing that has ever been crafted by human hands.
Bridgette and I were passing through the fine haven of Eveleth, MN – home of the U.S. Hockey Hall of Fame – and she pulled off the highway because she said she had something important to show me. Little did I realize just how life-affecting this experience would be.
Nestled neatly between cheap taverns and crack houses stands this 110-ft hockey stick. As I approached it, I felt humbled in its presence. I gave thanks to almighty God that he would provide us with such wonderous deeds.
Though the skies were dreary and the wind was bitter on the Iron Range of Minnesota this day, the magnificence of this massive sporting good was a splendor to behold. Indeed, should I have known otherwise, I would have thought that its size and handling might have been an affront to God himself. Though it may not have been my place, I christened the stick Excalibur and anointed it with holy oils. As I genuflected in awe, I turned to my right to see that the wonderous stick was accompanied by an enormous puck of the highest quality.
After I had vomited with reverence, I rested on the puck long enough for Bridgette to snap a picture with her phone, and then straddled the puck until ordered to stop by the local authorities. Their short-sightedness was frustratingly similar, as I have thrice been arrested for straddling public monuments.
Also, we saw a dead pigeon.