Rock TV Rundown

One of the things that I really love about going to church at the Rock is the amazing ministry opportunity I get with Rock TV, a video production team assigned to create short, (hopefully) funny videos to play during services to help new folks feel more comfortable and relaxed. I was invited to join over three years ago, and at this point, I co-lead and co-direct the videos with my friend Ryan Pickett.

Now, since this is my blog and I get to decide what I post, I’ve made the self-aggrandizing choice to make a short rundown of all the Rock TV’s I’ve been a part of. Now, I realize that a lot of my readers have never seen one of these, and have very little interest in this. To those people I say – shut up and come back another day, you insufferable little parasite. I ought to take a hammer to your kidneys for saying something like that.

Otherwise, read on!

Curious Leroy (Aug. ’02)
The premise: Curious George’s less-heralded cousin struggles to succeed in today’s wintery economic climate until a “Usual Suspects” ending reveals his true colors.

My thoughts: The bulk of the video itself itsn’t overly remarkable (outside of the amazing makeup work on Leroy), but the ending is great, particularly when Leroy is picked up by a car driven by the Man in the Yellow Hat. I remember arriving on the set that first day with a bunch of joke ideas, and everybody looked at me like, “Who is this guy?!”

Favorite bit: “Take this as a lesson – never try new things. Change is bad, and often leads to failure. Never forget that.”

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The Perfect Boyfriend (Oct. ’02)
The premise: We started with Jeremy the Perfect Boyfriend, simplified his backstory, toned it down for a general audience, and changed his name to Scott out of fear that people would think we were making fun of Jeromy Darling, which still makes me laugh to this day.

My thoughts: I’m proud of this video, although I’d love the chance to go back and re-edit it. There’s a whole section where he’s sent to a feminizing school (“Boyfriend Obedience & Sensitivity School”, or BOSS) that had some funny bits that weren’t explained well enough to be funny to everybody. Otherwise, I had a lot of fun shooting that one, particuarly when I got to be overly emotive while singing “My Heart Will Go On”.

Favorite bit:

Girlfriend: Can’t you draw anything besides unicorns and puppies?!
Scott: …why?

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Grandma’s Last Christmas (Dec. ’02)
The premise: 35-year old Joey is sick of going home for Christmas, because he’s always being treated like a little kid.

My thoughts: This is a fine video, it’s just too long. We learned a valuable lesson here – that little things like “plot” and “character development” don’t belong in a Rock TV. We also learned that it’s always funny to see Leroy dressed as a woman. I do however, like the overall feel of the video – it’s very pleasant and happy (with lots of Christmas music).

Favorite bit:

Joey: (handing a christmas present to his brother) Hey, Merry Christmas!
Brother: Hey, thanks, little brother. You still playing football?
Joey: …no, not for about 19 years now. …since 10th grade…
Brother: Huh. Well, thanks!

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Office-Slam! (Mar. ’03)
The premise: “Workplace pranks so insane, your brain may explode!” Richard and Dennis from HR pull Jackass-style office stunts, but they are so inocuous that most of their co-workers don’t even notice.

My thoughts: I like this video a lot, and I’m a bit baffled that it was never more popular. A bunch of my friends from The Rumor Forum saw this one a while back and loved it, so I felt vindicated somewhat. Kevin and Leroy are very funny as the pranksters, and the video works well, aside from the hellish audio issues we struggled with.

Favorite bit: Two of ‘em –
Richard & Dennis have “hilariously” lowered the chair of their co-worker. He returns to his seat, “Hmm. My chair seems to have been lowered. Oh well, I’ll simply raise it and return to work.” I also liked the “Too Hot for TV!” bit, where Richard & Dennis are hanging around the copier without their shirts on.
Watch this video!

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Fear of Small Group (‘Jun. 03)
The premise: A newcomer to the Rock wonders just how awful the small group experience might be.

My thoughts: This one was a lot of fun because we got to poke fun at Christians a bit, when the “fun” activity at small group was creating pipe cleaner crafts, and an excessive amount of touching, hugging, and asking strangers, “When was the last time you cried?” It was done very quickly, and that shows at a few parts, but I’m generally pleased with this one.

Favorite bit: The new guys is forced into a group hug and “Friends are Friends Forever” sing-a-long. Todd can’t seem to remember the words, the new guy is freaked out, and Rob clutches tightly to his pipe cleaner cross.
Watch this video!

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100 Years of the Rock (Aug. ’03)
The premise: The History Channel hosts a special on the Rock’s 100-year history (96 of which we completely made up) hosted by the troubled Montgomery VonTrousner, played perfectly by Todd.

My thoughts: This one would end up on a short list of my favorites. I love how realistic the 1903 footage looks with Jebediah Darling as the fire-and-brimstone preacher, as well as the 1970′s outreach television series “Jesus Cops”, with Jeromy and Leroy as an out-of-shape Starsky & Hutch. I’m proud of how different this video is from anything else Rock TV has ever tried.

Favorite bits: Todd as the increasingly drunk host never fails to make me laugh (I was laughing so hard at the shooting that I had to go into another room and direct from there). I also like the ridiculousness of the glimpse into the future when the Rock is located on a spaceship and led by Pastortron 9000 whose metal appendages don’t allow him do much – “These claws are useless! Useless!”

Watch this video!

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SBR Training Video (Jan. ’04)
The premise: A training video for Christmastime Santa Bell Ringers gathering money for charity, hosted by the obnoxious Buster Fonz – a font of annoying corporate speak (“You’ll learn how to maximise your paradigm, and of course, codify your synergy!”)

My thoughts: This one relied on a lot of visual gags (Santa chasing down a contributor ala Terminator 2), and I enjoy it for it’s cynicism. This one is unique in that it barely has Todd in it, who we usually rely on to make these things funny. This video also reminds me of an incredibly awkward moment that happened while we were shooting it. I was about to get into a hot-tub wearing a full Santa suit, when the owner of the house (Rachel’s stepfather) asked me if I needed to borrow any of his thongs. All of us got quiet for a horrifying moment as we imagined him forcing me into his undersized swimwear, but then he clarified that he was offering his sandals.

Favorite bit: At the end of the video, when Buster Fonz is relaxing in the hot-tub, drinking champaigne and reminds the viewers, “And remember, 12% of all donations go to charity.” Small text: “All remaining procedes go to the Buster Fonz legal defense fund.”

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Return of the Perfect Boyfriend (Mar. ’04)
The premise: Two years later, the perfect boyfriend is homeless and wandering the streets professing his love for female passersby. An elite force of men from the Re-Masculation School attempt to return him to his normal state, but it doesn’t fully take.

My thoughts: We dipped back into the well for this one, and although I have a few issues with this video, I’m generally pleased with how it turned out. I remember working hard to create a parallel structure to the first Perfect Boyfriend video, but that just ended up creating the same weaknesses (a lackluster middle section). This was also the video where I discovered that it’s incredibly stressful to have to play a major character and direct the videos at the same time.

Favorite bit: I’m partial to the scene where a re-masculated Scott is having dinner with his new girlfriend and being insensitive in his own peculiar way-

Girlfriend: How do you like your dinner?
Scott: Umm..it’s awesome?
Girlfriend: I spent all day making it.
Scott: Thanks.
Girlfriend: I love you.
Scott: Ok. (gets up to leave) I’m going to go watch some local sports programming.

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Fields of Rold Gold (May ’04)
The premise: A bunch of buddies share their horror stories about when they tried to propose to their girlfriends.

My thoughts: I have mixed feelings on this one. It developed from the thought that we should start making these videos a bit more female-centric. While I like some of the gags a lot, I have issue with the way we shot it, and I don’t know if it ever really gelled. The video went over really well at the Rock, which goes to show how much my opinion matters in the end.

Favorite gag:
Guy on the phone, trying to plan his proposal: “So you’re telling me there’s no way I can rent a unicorn from you? Do you know of a stable nearby that might be more cooperative? -yes, you’ve told me that already…they’re totally mythological…they never existed. (annoyed) Now let me tell you something, sir. I’ve seen the Neverending Story. I watch it probably every day. I think I know what’s real and what’s not!”

You also can’t beat the sight of Leroy sadly rocking on the playground toy after being dumped.

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Neverending Story V (Oct ’04)
The Premise: An incomprehensable “Lord of the Rings”-style concept where we intentionally created far more plot lines than an 8-minute video could possibly resolve.

My thoughts: To this point, this is probably my favorite Rock TV we’ve done since I’ve been on the team. We worked really hard on the costumes and sets, and the performances are really excellent throughout (I particularly enjoy Kevin, Leroy, Todd, and Ted). I also like the ending, where the whole video breaks down and Todd and I (playing ourselves) try to figure out how we’re going to end it, before checking in with our writer, a stressed out, chain-smoking Curious Leroy. Incidentally, this video is notable because Ryan Pickett wasn’t shooting it for the first time in years. Apparently his wife was giving birth to their son or something, I wasn’t really paying much attention.

Favorite bit: There’s a lot of them in this one, from the inexplicable Super Mario Bros. cave scene to the huge buildup to an explosion, only to see this:

My favorite single moment, however, would probably be Kevin’s ad-lib, when he’s journeying through the woods with his hunchback servant, and calls after him, “Come, my deformed pet!”
Watch this video!

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Count Awkward (Feb. ’05)
The premise: A newlywed couple are forced to stay in the mansion of Count Awkward and his manservant Bisquick while their car is being fixed, and suffer many alienating exploits.

My thoughts: We probably went a bit too far with this one with the awkward jokes. I really enjoyed this one (and still do, quite frankly), but it wasn’t very popular at the Rock. We had a few problems in editing, the first cut was way too long and way too unpleasantly awkward. We had to cut about 3 minutes out of it, and tried to quicken up the pacing as best we could. One thing we learned is that our audience doesn’t like to be made to feel uncomfortable when watching a Rock TV, so we should make good with the goofy stuff. A side note – this one wins the award for single best location of any Rock TV, we shot in an amazing run-down mansion that made for some really cool shots. Pictures from the shooting of Count Awkward’s driving scenes.

Favorite bit: There’s an odd little joke towards the end that always brings a smile to my face -

Everybody is sitting around for breakfast.
Count Awkward: (pouring juice) I’m sorry, we only have one glass. We will have to share. I will go first.
He procedes to stick his tongue completely into the glass and start slurping. Bisquick is clearly anxious to go next – he reaches for the glass before anxiously grabbing it and slurping and gurgling away.

Watch this video!

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CSI: Pet Division (Apr ’05)
Premise: An elite group of detectives and forensics experts work to investigate the mysterious circumstances surrounding the death of a beloved goldfish.

My thoughts: We really felt as a ministry that we needed to bounce back with a strong effort for this one, and I felt like we really pulled together to do so with this video. We took a familiar theme, and had a lot of fun coming up with strange ideas for it. I’m very proud of the structure of this video, which closely mimics a good episode of CSI or Law & Order. Ted did a nice job of playing the idiot detective (who can’t seem to distinguish between a dog and a cat), and Leroy was again great, but this time in a straight role (always more difficult than it would seem). I remember having a tough time when we filmed a flashback sequence when I was supposed to be overfeeding the fish to death in some sort of bizarre rave scene. All the headbanging, strobe lights, and multiple takes made me totally nauseous. The rest of the shoot was quite unpleasant for me.

Favorite bit: I love the quick gag at the beginning of the video where the two detectives are walking briskly to the crime scene discussing the dead goldfish and they both casually step over a human corpse on the ground.

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Planning Your July 4th BBQ! (Jun. ’05)
The premise: Buster Fonz returns with some helpful tips in planning your July 4th BBQ.

My thoughts: This is a nice, snappy video with a lot of fun sight gags and odd ideas. We had a lot of fun poking fun at hyper-patriotism (“And if you don’t like America, move out!”) and creating the delusional enthusiam that infomercials try to sell. I’m also happy that we finally created a 5-minute video, which is a lot more difficult than it actually sounds – they normally end up at 7 minutes and we give in.

Favorite bit: The sight of Rob in full gear playing a way-too-competitive guy ruining a casual game of badminton – “Pass the shuttlecock! THE SHUTTLECOCK!!”