Pumpkin ‘Stache Sawyer

There are some turns of phrase that I don’t get the opportunity to use nearly enough. For instance, when was the last time that “hoisted by his own petard” came in to play? Or “smiling like a cheshire cat”? When do I get to use that one? Never, probably. Most of our modern turns of phrase apply to situations that a majority of us won’t experience, unless we’re interred in a Cambodian prison camp, in which case we could pull out a lot of little-used phrases until being ruthlessly beheaded.

Anyway, a week or so ago, I was pleased to be able to pull out one of my favorite phrases that too-rarely get’s used: You’ve got pumpkin malt all over your mustache.
Even more awkward than it looks like...

We were out after the Rock for appetizers and malts, and as you can see, Kevin got a bit sloppy with his pumpkin malt. At first we pretended not to notice as the thick, milky substance clung to the follicles on his upper lip. At first, I tried to casually lick it off, but Kevin rebuffed my efforts, and directed my licking instead to Bridgette. Next I feigned that I was losing my balance, and tried to swiftly kick the spilt malt off his face, but that similarly failed. Then, seizing the opportunity that had so-long eluded me, I calmly, softly spoke to him:

“Kevin, my old friend, you’ve got pumpkin malt on your mustache.”

We laughed and laughed, while everybody at the resturaunt came by to slap me on the back and congratulate me on my accomplishment. This was my hour. After a brief speech and recognition ceremony, things seemed to returned to normal. Later on, as we were leaving the bar, we got into a gang fight and I beat a man unconscious with a brick.

It just goes to show, the early bird catches the worm!

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6 Responses to Pumpkin ‘Stache Sawyer

  1. Roger says:

    One with a brick is worth two in the ‘stache!

  2. Kevin S. says:

    Indeed, the pumpkin malt was too much man for me.

  3. Uosdwis R. Jawoh says:

    Hey, hey, hey! No licking anyone until you are married. That goes for Bridgette and Kevin! Now, once you and Bridgette are married, feel free to lick Kevin all you want.

  4. J-dub says:

    A pumpkin malt saved in the ‘stache is a pumpkin malt earned!
    A ‘stache in need is a ‘stache indeed!
    ‘Stache-aroni: The San-Francisco treat!

  5. Kevin S. says:

    As I referenced on the Ochuk Blog, I’m going to kill myself because the Pistons lost.

    The Pumpkin malt thing was pretty funny, though,

  6. Wugmanmax says:

    This will be one of those stories that I tell my Grandchildren.

    I can explain to them how the phrase came into common use and how it was a fairly harmless bit of prose before it became the hideous racial slur that they know and use.

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