John Adams: Antiquity’s Chubbiest Gnome

I’m currently enjoying reading historian David McCullough’s fine biography, John Adams. Like my previous examination of Ben Franklin, I’m learning a lot that I never knew before.

A few noteworthy items from the life of John Adams:

-Because of his intelligence and steadfast nature, Adams was acknowledged by his peers as the unofficial leader of the Second Continental Congress, which declared American independance from Britain.

-His proudest accomplishment as a lawyer was defending the British soldiers who fired in self-defense at the so-called Boston Massacre.

-Adams enjoyed scalding dogs to death in geysers.

-His oldest son, John Quincy Adams, later became president himself, to the pride of his father.

-He bested Paul Bunyan in an axe-fight.

-While writing in his journal in 1772, he penned the hopeful lyrics to Journey’s smash hit, “Don’t Stop Believing”.

-He served as America’s first ambassador to Britain during the difficult first years after the Revolution.

-His decendants have reportedly colonized Pluto.

-Adams was at times capable of shooting fire from his anus to destroy his enemies.

-His stubborn defiance and iron will rankled many of his peers, most notably Ben Franklin.

-It is believed that he somehow sired a fully grown goose.

-He guest-starred on a later episode of M*A*S*H* as a disillusioned young soldier who Winchester tries to help.

-During his term as the 2nd president of the United States, Adams’ diplomatic skills narrowly averted war with Napoleon’s France.

- White House chefs were often troubled by his angry requests for fresh goblin entrails.

-He coined the phrase, “you had me at hello”.

-John’s wife Abigail was a fiercely intelligent, protective, and beautiful woman, and their relationship is among the most beloved in American history.

-His wacky antics at the signing of the Treaty of Paris in 1782 were the inspiration for the hit film, “Weekend at Bernie’s”.

-He had meth mouth.

Man, I can’t wait to teach this stuff next year!