It’s my birthday!

The celebrations in my honor occurred over the weekend, in order to coincide with the brutal heat wave that melted 19 elderly horses in this region alone. The festivities took place in New Brighton, MN, home of the swarthy duo known as Leroy and Kevin. I purchased large quantities of cheap beer that my friends might imbibe at their leisure, and I invited people to bring their own meat to grill. Of course, I should have known that Ted would take the orders too far and bring two steaks, each large enough to cover a Monopoly playing board.

The patrons of my party had their fill of awkard jokes, strained conversation, and Ted’s filthy meat-slabs. We had a nice time, and it ended up going longer than planned, due mostly to the arrival of the police, troubled by the haggard shouts of Ted’s Call of the Flesh. The police did not at first understand, believing that out party was a collection of drunken bums who had all somehow wandered onto the same patio in search of booze and dog-love. Eventually, however, the whole thing got straightened out, and we talked them down to a few tickets for public indecency.

After the party, Bridgette and I made our way down to Rochester to celebrate with my family. We were greeted with warm embraces and some sweet-ass rhubarb pie.
My birthday rhubarb!

The pie was as sweet as a newborn mouse dipped in molasses. As we ate the pie, we played Canasta, and told tales of ribaldry and merriment. Also, my dog puked. However, nothing was able to distract me from the delights that my birthday held for me. As gifts, I receieved a flash drive for my computer, a biography on Groucho Marx, a new pair of running shoes, and (strangely) my father’s left eye. They were just what I wanted.

All in all, if my birthday was any indication, 27 should be a nice age for me this year. Unless I die in a car accident, that is.

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12 Responses to Birthday!

  1. anon says:

    Happy Birthday- I just wanted to say, that I came across your blog and read the post about phrases you don’t hear very often
    and only an hour or so afterwards I heard phil hartman on t.v. say “hoisted by his own pertard” :)

  2. You had me at the photo of your bearded self.

  3. scott says:

    happy birthday!

    so was the maw not there or just not pictured?

  4. Ted says:

    Everyone loved my meat!! they always do

  5. sarah says:

    It surprises me you thought receiving your father’s left eye was strange. I would have thought it common practice in the Welle family, or is it solely a tradition on your mother’s side?

    …oh yeah Happy Birthday. :)

  6. Kevin S. says:

    Peter: Hmmm… A flash drive

    Chet: Yep… Why, don’t you like it?

    Peter: Well, I was hoping you’d get me a Groucho Mark biography..

    Chet: Hmmm… Well, I could give you my left eye…

    Peter: I suppose that would dull the pain somewhat…

    Chet: (gouging out his own eye) Here you go…

    Peter: Thanks… Really wanted the book though… Hmmm, what’s this present.

    Bridgette: Oh… I really should’ve said something sooner…

    Chet: All is dark and discomfited!

  7. Roger says:

    Why Peter, in that picture you can see that you have your father’s eyes!

  8. Mike Kauls says:

    happy b-day. If I had only known, I most definitely would have made some Latvian ‘galete’ (pork innards delectably suspended in gelatin) for you to feast on your special day.

    While I’m sorry to hear your drunken debauchery drew the ire of the NB police, it sounds like their reaction wasn’t nearly as heavy-handed as they tend to be……

  9. sarah says:


    I found that video clip to be somewhat disturbing in just listening to that woman moan for like 5 minutes; and somewhat humorous when the cop said he knows what it’s like to be tasered as he’s been tasered himself.

    I can’t help but wonder what the circumstances surrounding his own tasering were….

  10. kevo says:

    Wow! That’s all I can say about the taser video.

    Oh, and Happy Birthday Peter!

  11. Laura says:

    Cops have to be tasered if they want to carry a taser. Its a completely stupid rule. They carry guns, should we make a rule that they have to be shot too??

  12. scott says:

    really? is there a rule about being beaten with night sticks too? i’m dumbfounded by the taser rule. i guess its one of those “so they know when they taser someone how long they can actually keep the thing turned on”, but still. totally bizarre.

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