The Curse of Goldblum

From the AP:

Windsor, Ontario – Hair stylist Waddah Mustapha was awarded $270,000 by a court in April after he testified that he became racked with depression upon seeing a fly inside a commercial bottle of water at his salon. Presumably, damages would have been more if Mustapha had actually drunk from the bottle (or even opened it). As it was, he and his wife vomited, and he required extensive psychotherapy for nightmares, loss of sense of humor, increased argumentativeness, lack of desire to shower regularly, and constipation.

Give me a break. Just suck it up and deal with it already.

I mean seriously, we’ve all had bad days, but this is almost comically pathetic. He sees a fly inside a sealed bottle of water – a strange, gross, puzzling occurance, I grant you – and this causes both he and his wife to puke? What a pansy! I personally have seen a live black rat sealed inside a SuperMom’s Sandwich at SA and it merited not much more than a shrug and a passing chuckle.

This guy, however, sees a tiny insect in an inappropriate location and this causes mass vomiting, nightmares, argumentativeness, and – my personal favorite – loss of humor.

Just a guess, but maybe Mr. Mustafa didn’t have the best sense of humor to begin with. In fact, I pretty much guarantee you he was an asshole.

The article also notes that after he saw the dead fly, he lost all desire to shower regularly. Excuse me? What the hell does one thing have to do with another?! I’m sure that his stinky, humorless, argumentative, constipated self was a real pleasure to have around at the ol’ salon after that.

Really though, congratuations on the $270,000. You’ve completely earned it.

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7 Responses to The Curse of Goldblum

  1. Uosdwis R. Jawoh says:

    Did you eat the rat?

  2. Adam says:

    You do realize that he could read this and then sue you for damaging his psyche.

  3. Thom says:

    Of course, Peter leaves out the fact that SA includes a live rat as prize with ALL their sandwiches. There is a difference.

  4. sarah says:

    I read that article some time ago. If Mustapha was such an aquaphobe after that, how could he continue to work in a salon? C

    Besides, does he not know that flies in water are vintage? It’s like the Don Perrier of water, much like tequila has a worm.

  5. John Edwards says:

    As a trial lawyer, and a liberal, I feel this man’s pain. Corporations need to be held accountable for literally everything, ever. Now, this man is clearly ethnic, and for that deserves more than other people. Any regulation that might forbid this very ethnic man from receiving thousands of dollars from a corporation should be fought. I can sleep at night. I sleep very well. All my money helped my become a Senator. I am not scum incarnate.

  6. The Student Union says:

    Who’s up for sneaking out, and meeting in the woods at 2:00am tonight?

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