The film, which clocks in at well over 10 hours, is replete with rustic music, haggard voice acting, vivid storytelling, and enough unsavory closeups of Lincoln to cause gastrointestinal distress. The film has the power to mesmerize me with powerful history-lust at the first moment that a solitary fiddle breaks into “Dixie”.
Thom has already finished the first two episodes, and watching them again was like embracing an old, bearded friend. For reasons beyond explanation, the moment the film began I felt compelled to remove my shirt in the presence of Lincoln. I then squatted for two hours, transfixed at what unfolded before me on my substantial home entertainment system. When Bridgette entered the apartment, I ordered her not to make eye contact with me and to prepare me a burrito of unreasonable size and volume. So chastened, she did as I desired.
I ended up watching until the Battle of Antietam, where there were 26,000 combined casualties in one day of fighting. In other words, burrito time. I ate the said burrito donkey-style (using my knuckles instead of my fingertips), and emptied some of its contents onto the ground in memory of Jefferson Davis. Then I made Bridgette clean it up.
Feel free to join me tonight for another shirtless, donkey-style burrito-war party!