Oh Christmas tree, oh christmas tree – how lovely are your branches!
I’m serious, they look amazing. Have you been working out? No? Just watching what you eat? Yeah, I can definitely tell.
No, I didn’t mean to infer that you used to be fat, I just meant it as a compliment. You look really good.
Yes, you looked fine before, but just in a jolly-Christmas-tree way. Now you look fit and lean, both are nice.
Of course you don’t look inappropriately lean! What kind of stupid comment is that? People will obviously know that you’re still a Christmas tree because you’ve got all the ornaments on.
Look, I don’t know why I looked at that elm tree the other day! I told you I was sorry, but I still maintain that I wasn’t staring at it. What, a guy can’t admire a nice elm tree every now and again?!
Okay, I don’t want to argue about this – I just wanted to tell you that you look nice. So what if I used to have a elm tree in the backyard?! I cut it down a long time ago! I burned it as firewood for crying out loud, and you keep bringing it up!
Why would you even say that? Sure I’ve put on a couple pounds over the years, but that was totally uncalled for! Leave my mother out of this!
I’ve got to get out of here. No, I’m not going to the Christmas tree lot, I’m going to Embers! Get off my back already!