Warmest January?!

On the news last night they said that this is shaping up to be the warmest January in Minnesota history.

That ain’t right.

It ain’t right that today, January 24th, I am looking svelte and bronzed. It’s the dead of winter in the Northland – I shouldn’t be this lithe and tanned! I swear to you that I’ve never been to a tanning salon, my skin is healthy and glowing from the sheer unnatural warmth of this 2005-2006 winter. It is downright unnatural – nay, demonic that this should be the state of things.

Granted, come June, everybody knows that ol’ Pete’s gonna be sun-drenched and magnificent in his summertime finery. That’s as familiar as apple crisp and dried blood on a baseball glove. But for Ma Nature to be demanding timeless beauty from me during my off-season is something else altogether. Quite frankly, it pisses me off. After all, I get well-compensated by the E! cable network to look as good as I do in the summer. Who’s going to pay me to be gorgeous in January? WGN Chicago?!

I’m going to call my agent to complain about this…

This entry was posted in Rants. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Warmest January?!

  1. Thom says:

    You coming to the beach this afternoon? The lake is thawed.

  2. Laura says:

    You’re right in saying it “ain’t right”. No snow??? 40 degrees??? The world doesn’t make sence unless you’re buried in six feet of snow and you’re skin is freezing off. Can you even think of anything better than that? What’s next – cool summers??? 50 degrees every day??? Hail???

    This weather sucks.

  3. Uosdwis R. Jawoh says:

    It’s W’s fault.

    Him and his damn weather machine.

  4. Sarah says:

    I heard on the news last night that January 24th is the most depressing day of the year. They cited reasons like holiday bills are due, New Year’s resolutions are failing, yada, yada…

    Not to depress you further, but I think your bronzed svelte appearance is due to the month old Big Mac you ate. It’s jaundice, not a warm January that’s making you glow.

  5. Roger says:

    It’s that way in Maine, too. The women are all over me for my tanning secrets.

  6. Dewy Decimal says:

    I hear those Big Mac’s have a “Great Taste”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>