For the past 3 or 4 months, my jaw has really hurt when I wake up in the morning. My suspicions were then realized when Bridgette mentioned to me that I grind my teeth in my sleep.


This new development is no doubt related to my job-induced stress. While I enjoy my work and find it satisfying, there is certainly a higher degree of stress and responsibility that I must bear. Fortunately, this has caused me to begin the slow, horrible process of grinding my molars down to their roots. There are any number of advantages that this brings about:

-The foul, disquieting sounds of my grinding teeth-bones have informed and directed my wife’s dreams in many troubling ways. Mostly she now dreams about archaeological digs.

-My jaw muscles are being excercized and bulked up. My jawline will soon reach Patrick Swayze-levels of comic masculinity.
More god than man

-The current shape and contour of my teeth bother me. I want them to be different, and this subconscious dulling process is preferable to the alternative (the hammer and pliers method)

-I always thought it might be cool to expose a bunch of nerves in my mouth and then go to Dairy Queen.

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10 Responses to Teethgrinder

  1. _steve says:

    Grinding your teeth can be a symptom of a serious medical issue, Peter.

  2. Thom says:

    If not treated propertly, you can end up grinding your skull away completely.

  3. scott says:

    maybe bridgette is using your jaw to crack walnuts while you’re sleeping. i say set up an infrared camera just to make sure.

  4. ted says:

    Listen to Thom, Peter. I totaly ground my head off once and look at the replacement they dug up for me.

  5. Dana says:

    You know, if you go (back) to the dentist they can give you an oh-so-handsome mouth gard to wear while you sleep. Not as huge as the ones you wore in your football days, but similar never-the-less.

  6. Chris B. says:

    I advise against a mouth guard, Peter. Sacrificing the keenness and power of your incisors may result in the baby you devour every night remaining half eaten or simply badly bruised. I don’t grind my teeth, but I do grind my night stand. So far I don’t know of a guard that will remedy this.

  7. Roger says:

    You’re just not as impressive when gumming a big hunk of steak instead of tearing it apart with your carnivorious teeth.

  8. peter says:

    This blog has existed for far too long without your prescient insight.

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