Street Justice

My hair is really messy today. I didn’t really touch it this morning, and now it looks unkempt.

What are you gonna do about it?

What’s your problem? You want to fight me, boy? You want to fight me, don’t you? You act real big when you’re reading this blog and laughing at my hair, but you aren’t so big now, are you?

Of course you meant to hurt my feelings! Did you think you could mock and ridicule my messy hair and I wouldn’t care? I’m a red-blooded man! I have a soul! Now I’m going to fight you and prove my worth to all who watch us scrappin’.

Don’t try to shake my hand! You can’t just disrespect me and then expect me to give you the ol’ handshake-hug combo! Rest assured, our next physical contact will be when my substantial fist collides with your right temple.

No, as a matter of fact, I’m NOT interested in seeing a counseling pastor to help us resolve our differences! Unless that pastor is willing to calmly officiate our savage street fight, there is nothing such a man could do for you and I. Our destiny is set: we will rumble after school in the far southwest corner of the student parking lot.

Don’t think that you can avoid a tussle by not showing up, either. I’ve already instructed an aide to attach a GPS tracking system to the underbelly of your vehicle. I will follow you to your home, to a remote cabin, and to the isolated mountain villages of western China if need be. Truly I say to you – I will fight you, bitch. Your mouth will bleed, and your humiliation will be complete when the popular 11th grade girls laugh at you.

See you after school.

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7 Responses to Street Justice

  1. Thom says:

    Huh…this sounds just like a conversation I had the other day with Richard Simmons.

  2. Chris B. says:

    I of course, was reminded of the geopolitics of John Marshall High School in the mid-90s by the last part. By the first part, I was reminded of Pickle, who spilled beer on himself in such a comical way at a party near St. Thomas that I HAD to laugh at him. Luckily, your friend Evan distracted him long enough for us to slip out the back. That was the closest I ever came to have probably a crushed trachea.

  3. scott says:

    peter, don’t worry about it.

  4. peter says:

    Chris, I remember the Pickle incident. I remember him seething, and everybody trying to calm him, saying “Pickle, you’re bigger than this!”

    All the while, I was thinking, “This guy’s name is PICKLE?!”

  5. Chris B. says:

    What mattered is that Pickle was bigger than me. I remember you telling me as we walked back to St. Thomas what you had seen him do to someone in a fight. Pickle…

  6. Kevin S. says:

    When liberals start yakking about the “right” to attend college, I think you should bring up Pickle.

  7. Thom says:

    So, Kevin, you are for denying folks the entertainment of a guy named pickle at college? Man…conservatives are against all the fun stuff…

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