Last week, when I was dramatically unveiling my new glasses, I got the same baffling comment from many people throughout the day:
“Cool glasses! No more contacts?”
No, actually I’ve been wearing glasses for years, and I’ve never worn contacts in my life. Thanks for paying attention though.
This was bizarre – many of my co-workers and acquaintances had apparently never noticed that I wear glasses at all times. I guess my old glasses were wire-framed, but not to the point where they were invisible. I then helpfully pointed out to them that I also wear shirts now, in case they failed to notice.
So what’s the deal, am I invisible to others? Is my 6’5″ frame not substantial enough? Is my head positioned at such a height that it’s difficult to get a good look at my face? Might they have noticed were I a warmer personality who hugged often? Would the threat of violence garner their attention? Might it help if I started drawing dragons all the time, for some reason? Would my situation improve if, every time I am in a group setting, I insist vehemently that we go to Don Pablos? Should I become one of those people who drones on with some inane, self-glorifying anecdote because they don’t understand social cues? Should I abruptly shout and gesticulate wildly in public settings that others might take fully note of me? Could I breathe loudly out of my mouth at all times? What will it take?
I don’t know. I give up. See you bastards at Don Pablos.
But Peter, you already do all those things.
I think you hit on something with your head being up too high though. When we look up at you, we are often looking into the sun. Maybe you should look into having your head lowered. Maybe have it transplanted to the middle of your abdomen.
Don Pablos is the Mexican Applebees.
The same thing happens to me, only with Rude Dog shirts.
“Wow, great sweater. No more Rude Dog shirts, then?”
Only I have been wearing Rude Dog shirts. And God bless them.
Chris, you are a trailblazer for the rest of us. You lead the way, just like Martin Luther King Jr., but better.
MLK: Hey, Steve what do you think of my new glasses?
Steve: Wait, you’re black?
Um…Peter…it’s not that your head is too high for us to see. It’s that your face is…um…how can I say this in love? It’s…well…rather grotesque. Haven’t you ever wondered why little children cry whenever you come near?