I just got back from Rochester. The drive took me 35 minutes longer than usual because it was so darn foggy! You wouldn’t believe how thick the fog was! Let me now proceed to describe it to you through a series of increasingly troubling comparisons.
It was as thick as A.C. Slater’s biceps!
It was thicker than grizzly breastmilk!
It was as thick as Stalin’s mustache! And more fertile!
It was thicker than a flu-ridden donkey’s used kleenex!
It was thicker than the Great Wall of China, and more effective in stopping the carnivorous Mongol hordes!
It was as thick as Lucifer’s unholy steel chestplate!
It was thicker than the pool of tears shed by inconsolable widows following the Battle of Manassas!
Seriously though, I almost died.
If you honk your car horn real loud, repeatedly, the fog will pull over tot he side of the road and let you pass. Unless it is filled with ghosts. Then you will probably just piss the fog off and it will kill you.
Are you sure it was just fog and not maybe demon wind? Maybe it took you 35 extra minutes because the demon wind kept picking your car up and putting you in the same place. Also, did your wife turn into a doll and say, “You lied” and then explode? If not, I think you should say to her, “And now…my pig…you die!”
In the words of Chet Welle, “You lose more good houses that way.”
Come to think of it, I should have known it was the Demon Wind when I saw the slimy, demonic version of Dell hitchhiking.
I’ve seriously tried that “And now…my pig…you die!” line on Bridgette – she didn’t like that.
If people don’t know what Chris and I are talking about, Demon Wind is a beautiful, B-level horror movie worth a few laughs. I am willing to host any number of people interesting in viewing it with me whenever you like.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099401/
I’m game…I recognize the title…but can’t recall if I have seen it…I’ve seen a lot of bad b-grade horror movies (for example, “You’ver Got Mail”) and they all start to blend together.
A little Demon Wind-treat for all of you:
I laughed uproariously at those pictures, Pete. I also went and looked at the IMDB thing, and it made me remember Del kissing his girlfriend and saying, “That’s why I keep her around.” Why am I not best friends with Del?
Chris, Del’s rugged, untamed love towards women is but one of the many lessions that he has for we as Christian men.
So I put Chris’s question to us all, why are all of us not best friends with Del?