Tonight I basked in all my history geek glory and spent my evening on the couch eating macaroni and cheese while watching a 3-hour documentary on the Crusades. It was some compelling stuff.
Talk about your comedic blunders!
I tell you, there were so many wacky misunderstandings in the Crusades, they seemed right out of an episode of Three’s Company. Do you remember that whole part where they had 200 years of religious warfare? There’s a pie in the face! How about when the crusaders literally cooked and ate the bodies of the Muslims they had killed after conquering a Syrian city? Why hasn’t Hollywood used this as the backdrop for a romantic comedy starring Mira Sorvino?
Oh, I almost forgot about the part when Saladin, leader of the Seljuk Turks, ruthlessly slaughtered all those in his court who he suspected of opposing him. Straight out of Senior Stalin’s book of comedy, my friend! Tim Allen wouldn’t be this funny even if he had been one of the Knights Templar himself, and had beheaded a household of pagan children on-stage!
Up next: I review the sacking of Rome in 476 by Germanic barbarians.
Obviously, you have not seen Kingdom of Heaven, which is a comedic farce of epic proportions. I had tears coming out my nose I was laughing so hard.
You think the crusades were bad, what about James Dobson and the religous right! I mean, they are obviously much worse. I have no need to explain this analogy, cause all my friends agree with me and I got a high ACT score.
I laughed so hard I wet and soiled myself when I heard about the crusaders sacking Jerusalem, when the blood of slaughtered Jews and Muslims reached the knees of the horses in Solomon’s Porch. Top THAT comedy gold, Mr. Martin Short!