It has come to my attention that some of my most popular, widely-read recent posts have been my honest, accurate accounts of real-life painful situations that I have suffered through. From my botched honeymoon to the thank-you card debacle, it seems that my readers love to read about my unhappiness.
Well screw you guys.
A lesser blog writer would spinelessly bend to the public’s demand, but I refuse to do so for you voyeuristic snoopers. So what if my life is painful and filled with human suffering?! What’s it to you?! I didn’t create this blog that my soul might be fed upon by 300+ undead parasites a day. I created it out of the simple need to fill 15 minutes of my daily free time, and to spread my eager tidings of awkwardness and unpleasantness around the globe.
The John Larroquette Project is not about to become one of those blogs where the author discusses his recent break-up for 15 months straight, interspersed with occasional results from the latest online quiz. I will NOT give you people what you want by honestly describing the most awful, embarrassing moments of my life. Instead, I will describe walruses dying of cancer and other such unpleasantries.
This is not a blog about cupcakes and rainbows and comedic mishaps. It is about shame, mental illness, and partial nudity.
Unless you guys don’t like that. I can change it if you want. Any suggestions?