Over the weekend, the Minnesota legislature approved the financing for a new Twins ballpark, as well as a football stadium for the Golden Gophers. In addition, they invited the Vikings to return next session with a plan for a new Vikings stadium. These welcome developments beg the question: what’s going to happen with the Metrodome? The dirty, dingy bubble-building has sucked the essence out of life for nigh on three decades. What will become of it?
Fortunately, I have a few helpful suggestions:
-Implode the building immediately upon completion of the third quarter of the Vikings week 8 matchup against the Kansas City Chiefs.
-Force Saddam Hussein to run the bases there until he suffers heart failure, then drop him from the ceiling.
-Use it as a warehouse for unsold “Rude Dog” clothing.
-House hurricane victims there, and then have the media report as fact a large number of wild, unsubstantiated rumors.
-Make it the home field for the Baltimore Orioles.
-House exciting alternative sporting events there, like a new version of American Gladiators where athletes mudwrestle monster trucks.
-Fill it with halfway up with milk, and drown a bunch of raccoons in there.
Any other suggestions?