Is there some way that I can be put in contact with a credit card company of some sort?
I am interested in obtaining a credit card that will facilitate irresponsible spending and impulse purchases, but I cannot seem to find any information on how to acquire just such an item. Are these companies hiding from us? Is there some reason that they refuse to send out pre-approved offers for their credit? Why are they withholding their lending wares from us, the ever-interested consumer?
Given the silence of the credit card companies, I might as well be living in war-torn Sudan. I’d probably be better off if I were an African Muslim living in Khartoum, beaten and molested at gunpoint, than I am here in America where I can’t seem to find a credit card company willing to send me something. Is it too difficult to send 8oz. envelopes laden with glossy photographs and incomprehensible fine print? Would it be too much trouble to send me seven such items a day? What’s a man got to do?
Ladies and gentlemen, I’m a man of simple pleasures. I like my beer cold and my tibia intact. All I’m asking for is for a credit card company to send me a pamphlet informing me of their generous offer that I can complete over the phone by calling a toll-free number. Is that really so difficult? I feel like a fricking idiot over here!