It’s my wife’s birthday today!
I’m in big trouble!
Last year for Bridgette’s birthday, I proposed marriage. As birthday gifts go, it was a grand slam struck with such authority that the opposing pitcher cried out in shame and immediately fell on his broadsword upon the pitcher’s mound. That’s how good a gift it was. It was better than a diamond-encrusted lawnmower.
What am I supposed to do this year? How could I possibly follow that up? Why have I waited until the morning of her birthday to address these issues? Should my gift be the opportunity to race me in a 100-meter dash? Should I offer to involve her in a special birthday argument? Might I give her a check for $150 out of our joint checking account? Am I totally screwed here?
Maybe I could give her something homemade. Something like a pair of pants that I could make here at school out of construction paper and staples. Would she like that? Unfortunately, I just realized that I don’t know her size. Idiot!
I think that what I’ll do is try to run out the clock, so to speak. I’ll assure Bridgette that I definitely have a gift prepared for her, and that it is most assuredly the greatest gift that she has ever received in her life. I will then attempt to continue to change the subject all evening until we finally go to sleep and I am off the hook until next year. There is virtually nothing wrong with this plan whatsoever.
She better get me something awesome for my birthday though.