I love alienating new people.
On Sunday, Bridgette and I went to a barbeque with our friend Brent and his small group from another church. We knew Brent and nobody else, which is always a bit odd and awkward, which I of course enjoy.
Soon enough, the whole gang was up for a game of volleyball. Being overly competetitive and aggressive, I was all over this idea. My team consisted of me, Brent, a gentleman named Silas, and 4 girls who I didn’t bother to differentiate from each other. I quickly decided that our team’s name should be Sunshine Fistblood (Fistblood was my preference, but the Sunshine was added in deference to the high female quotient on our team). I began to loudly shout, “SUNSHINE FISTBLOOD!!” whenever the ball approached me, often diving unnecessarily.
When my teammates and new friends failed to exert proper effort, I berated them, screaming, “C’MON! THAT’S NOT FISTBLOOD VOLLEYBALL!!” I also attempted to get a team huddle happening after every volley, but it never came together. Sunshine Fistblood was in real need of some team spirit.
Bridgette, meanwhile, sat on the sidelines, cheering me on silently. She was in no way embarassed by my erratic behavior around these new people.
Finally, after screaming for 7 minutes at my team to show some damned hustle, I collapsed onto the sand from heat exhaustion. As the medics were starting my IV, I told my teammates that I hope they were happy about what they did to me, and called a curse down upon them to last until the end times.
Afterwards, they asked Brent to leave their group.