The Park Central Hotel in New York Sucks Goblin Anus

Do you remember the hilarious tale of when the Park Central Hotel in New York ruined our honeymoon? Were you concerned because that there might never again be a post in which we detailed the exquisite misery caused by that damnable place?

Well fear not, because they managed to screw us again!

Yesterday, five months after our hellish stay at that demon pit, our charge card was hit with a charge of $485.65 from the Park Central Hotel. This was done totally out of the blue. Our pleasure was doubly intensified when another bill that we had paid was deducted shortly after this charge went through, causing our checking account to go into overdraft status, through absolutely no fault of our own.

I contacted the Park Central Hotel in New York and was graciously allowed to wait on hold and listen to elevator music for nearly 30 minutes before speaking to somebody. My mood at this point could accurately be described as ‘murderous’.

The manager I eventually got a hold of told me that this charge was the result of a billing tiff between the hotel and Orbitz regarding who should be forced to pay for our miserable stay there in December. Apparently the hotel found it appropriate to resolve this dispute by arbitrarily billing us $500 without notice, regardless of the fact that we already paid Orbitz for our stay and airline tickets last October. Sounds about right to me!

I shared my perspective on the situation with all the calmness I could muster. The manager told me he would contact Orbitz and call me back in ten minutes.

One hour and fourty minutes later, I finally recieved a call back. He told me that the issue had been resolved, and that the $485.65 charge would be removed from our card. The hotel wasn’t interested in paying the overdraft fees for us. I threw out a few ideas on where he could insert his index finger, and ended the conversation.

Now, as all of you certainly know, I am a calm, civil man with a placid demeanor. However, in this case I believe it appropriate to now call for merciless vigilante justice to sweep across the management of the Park Central Hotel, leaving nobody alive. I will lead a team of nude, marauding barbarians who will enter the hotel and start pulling employee’s arms out of sockets indiscriminately. We will cleave infants in two. In sum, we shall wreak havoc however possible and without remorse.

Who’s with me?

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13 Responses to The Park Central Hotel in New York Sucks Goblin Anus

  1. Thom says:

    Can I at least where a loincloth? I am ashamed of my flabby body.

  2. peter says:

    There is no shame in slaughter, Thom.

  3. The bank says:

    A friend of mine has overdrafted several times. She’s been able to talk the bank into getting rid of the fees almost every time, so just talk to your bank – they will probably just get rid of them for you.

    Signed,
    the bank.

  4. Jeff H says:

    Do we get to visit Central Park while we are marauding? Maybe catch a show on Broadway? If so, I’m totally in on the carnage.

  5. peter says:

    Yes, Jeff, we can get some good sightseeing in.

    But it must all be done in the nude, with dried blood covering our bodies.

  6. Chris says:

    I would like to be the designated beserker. I will ceremoniously get horribly drunk on mead, slash my chest with a rusty blade, and fly headlong into the fray. Even after having been stabbed and shot several times, the rage of Odin will drive me from room to room, crushing the skulls of maids and bellhops, their eyes popping out like cherry tomatoes, my unearthly screams echoing from my foam-flecked, bloody mouth…

    Is “The Producers” still playing on broadway? I LOVE Nathan Lane!

  7. peter says:

    Chris you will be our berserker shift manager, in charge of scheduling and counting out the register.

  8. kevin s. says:

    Or you can just report that they had bed bugs…

  9. Roger says:

    Chris always embarasses me when he finally collapses from shock and blood loss. I mean, it’s always at the theare while Orphan Annie is singing The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow…

  10. rypick says:

    In all seriousness, you should file a complaint with the Better Business Bureau (www.bbb.com).

  11. Adam says:

    I will join you my brother! I will beat that manager with a box of frozen NoName Steaks and urinate on his bloody body!

  12. peter says:

    yes! URINE!!!!

  13. Sarah says:

    It comes down to strategy and the “eye for an eye” scenario first. Make sure you secure the management during the first sweep. Take their corporate cards and pay for everyone’s room service with them. Then rip out the card scanners and break management’s noses. Let them taste their own blood.

    …..oh yeah, isn’t Julia Roberts doing Broadway now?

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