What a marvelous birthday I had! Glory, hallelujah!
Let me list the blessings granted unto me to honor the start of my 29th year of life:
-On Friday evening, there was a splendid gathering of my friends and Kevin. We ate malted milkshakes together and many hearty handshakes were exchanged. Not even the unexplained arrival of a ravenous mountain cat from the restaurant’s kitchen could mar the evenings pleasantries, though several nearby children were eaten alive before the beast could be subdued.
-I was given many fascinating books, including:
“Team of Rivals” by Doris Kearns Goodwin
“In the Wake of the Plague” by Norman Cantor
“Vintage Thicke: My Life as America’s Cheerfully Benign Father Figure” by beloved television superstar Alan Thicke.
-My wife wisely balanced out these history books with a deft purchase of a Beavis and Butthead DVD collection for me. I am seriously fired up that my wife did this for me.
-On Saturday afternoon, a mysterious stranger unlocked the mysteries of all goblin knowledge to me. He also offered to wash off my windshield for $1.25.
-My mother-in-law gave me some expensive cologne. It smells like corn on the cob.
-My sister purchased tickets for her and I to see the EELS in concert next week. No word yet on if the “Susan’s House” dude will be there.
-My grandmother-in-law sent me a lovely card and $10 cash. While the dollar amount was certainly measly, I probably had it coming after the Thank-You Card fiasco.
-I fought a bunch of dudes and beat the hell out of all of them, though no details of this incident will be forthcoming.
-I got a very nice watch from my wife. It keeps track of what time it is so I know when I should poop.