I Have No Idea What This Is

It’s all dark and moist outside this morning, like being inside the mouth of a giant. As the rain drizzles down, the experience is initially comforting and womb-like. However, after a few moments it is as if I can feel the slicked glands of the giant’s tongue sliding across my belly while filthy corn residue slips between my resisting lips. After being tangled in the enormous tongue for a moment, I suddenly become aware that my ankle is resting betwixt the giant’s molars. In a horrifying instant, the giant bites down and my ankle pops into dust. My screams of agony are muffled by the fleshiness of the giant’s tongue as I begin to gurgle his bitter saliva. My final frantic moments are spent being torn in two and chewed up by the nefarious giant, and as I am swallowed I finally lose consciousness and die in misery.

That’s exactly what it’s like out there this morning.

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14 Responses to I Have No Idea What This Is

  1. The Giant says:

    “Get in my belly! I want my baby back baby back baby back….”

  2. Thom says:

    It’s the perfect morning for watching a teen dance movie.

  3. Chris says:

    Victims of the almighty Sarlacc, his excellency hopes you will die honorably. You will learn a new definition of pain and suffering as you are slowly digested over a thousand years…nevermind that you will die long before that.

  4. peter says:

    Threepio, you tell that slimy piece of worm-ridden filth he’ll get no such pleasure from us!

  5. Sarah says:

    Chris that was PERFECT!

  6. Luke says:

    Jabba. This is your last chance. Remove my pants or die.

    That was the line, right?

    Maybe that’s what I wanted it to be…

  7. Peter says:

    Jabba: Pull the Jedi’s pants down!

    *Gammorean guard pulls down Luke’s pants*

    Chewbacca: (growl)

    *Jabba and sycophants laugh*

    Jabba: Soon you will learn to appreciate me.

  8. Kevin s. says:

    Very creative Peter!

  9. Chris says:

    Leia (to Jabba): You’re gay?

    *sycophants turn heads in unison to see Jabba’s response.

    Jabba: Um…I think the music just got a little too loud, that’s all.

    *sound of crickets chirping

    Leia: ???

    Sycophants: ???

  10. peter says:

    George Lucas: My dream has failed!

  11. Chris says:

    Rick McCallum: I’ve always wanted you, George!

    George Lucas: …

  12. Ray Stanz says:

    I couldn’t help it. It just popped in there.

  13. Well there are certainly plenty of other Asians there…

  14. Bob says:


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