It’s all dark and moist outside this morning, like being inside the mouth of a giant. As the rain drizzles down, the experience is initially comforting and womb-like. However, after a few moments it is as if I can feel the slicked glands of the giant’s tongue sliding across my belly while filthy corn residue slips between my resisting lips. After being tangled in the enormous tongue for a moment, I suddenly become aware that my ankle is resting betwixt the giant’s molars. In a horrifying instant, the giant bites down and my ankle pops into dust. My screams of agony are muffled by the fleshiness of the giant’s tongue as I begin to gurgle his bitter saliva. My final frantic moments are spent being torn in two and chewed up by the nefarious giant, and as I am swallowed I finally lose consciousness and die in misery.
That’s exactly what it’s like out there this morning.
“Get in my belly! I want my baby back baby back baby back….”
It’s the perfect morning for watching a teen dance movie.
Victims of the almighty Sarlacc, his excellency hopes you will die honorably. You will learn a new definition of pain and suffering as you are slowly digested over a thousand years…nevermind that you will die long before that.
Threepio, you tell that slimy piece of worm-ridden filth he’ll get no such pleasure from us!
Chris that was PERFECT!
Jabba. This is your last chance. Remove my pants or die.
That was the line, right?
Maybe that’s what I wanted it to be…
Jabba: Pull the Jedi’s pants down!
*Gammorean guard pulls down Luke’s pants*
Chewbacca: (growl)
*Jabba and sycophants laugh*
Jabba: Soon you will learn to appreciate me.
Very creative Peter!
Leia (to Jabba): You’re gay?
*sycophants turn heads in unison to see Jabba’s response.
Jabba: Um…I think the music just got a little too loud, that’s all.
*sound of crickets chirping
Leia: ???
Sycophants: ???
George Lucas: My dream has failed!
Rick McCallum: I’ve always wanted you, George!
George Lucas: …
I couldn’t help it. It just popped in there.
Well there are certainly plenty of other Asians there…
WHY DID MR. LEMON DIE!!