Shhhhhh…I know a secret!
It is a delicious secret – one that others are dying to know! I am keeping it deep within my noggin for safekeeping. Nothing you can say or do could get me to tell you my secret!
I learned of this secret from Dusty, one of the older boys. He entrusted it to me with the understanding that I would not tell a solitary soul. He said that if I told anybody, I would be “dead meat”, and he would “rape my corpse.” Dusty is really nice. He knows a lot of curse words and has to sit in the front seat of the bus every day!
I like to sit and think about my secret sometimes. It makes me happy that I know something all of you don’t. Another thing that makes me happy is when the cafeteria serves Italian dunkers for lunch – delicious! (I also like sloppy joes)
Okay, if you insist on hearing my secret, I will go ahead and tell you. But first you have to promise not to tell anybody. You can’t even tell your best friend! If you do, Dusty will get you too!
All right, are you ready? Here it is – Dusty likes me! Yesterday after school I went over to his house and we hugged for an hour! He isn’t as tough as he pretends to be, although he did punch me several times.
Who are you calling? No! Why are you telling them my secret?! What’s so funny about it!? Why is it now being broadcast over the school’s PA?! That occurred improbably quickly!
I’M SORRY DUSTYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!