The lenses of my glasses are dirty. As I write this, my vision is obstructed by the tiny flecks of skin and debris that have collected on the lenses.
I think there might also be some barbecue sauce on there from the other night.
I suppose a reasonable person would simply remove their glasses and wipe off the lenses, but as all of you already know, I am not a reasonable man. Instead, I am a man who pursues every insane fantasy and indulges every impetuous impulse that enters his transom. I’m like Dennis Rodman huffing glue.
And so, my friends, the particles will continue to collect on my lenses until such point where I have become effectively blind. I will become a hazard on the road and in the hallways as I slam into passersby with utter disregard for the innocent children of our world. Lint and tiny debris will fly from my glasses upon impact and I will forcefully shout my full name again and again. This violent course of action will make the Tiananmen Square Massacre look like a friendly game of checkers between adults with mild mental disabilities.
Sorry, guys. I guess I’m just in kind of a sour mood this morning, and I let that bleed into my post. This literally has never happened before.
I could really go for a couple of horse tranquilizers right about now…