Server Fury

A lot of you have probably noticed that this site has been slow to load over the last week or so. I want to apologize about that. I got a note from Geof, who manages the John Larroquette Project explaining that “we’ve outgrown our RAM allocation”, and that he hopes to “double our RAM outlay” within the next 18 hours.

He also mentioned something about the “internet” and “hacking into the mainframe”, but I’m not really up on the latest technical mumbo jumbo.

So please don’t be discouraged. Take heart, for Geof is on the job. He will cure our ailments with his presumably Satanic powers of sorcery.

And if he fails us yet again, we will rise up with one voice as an angry mob and set upon him. We will tear his belly-flesh with our teeth and crush his femurs into dust. As his hoarse screams of agony echo across the vacant alleyways, he will at last regret having failed us at the John Larroquette Project. Mangy street dogs will fill themselves with his rotting entrails and nearby squirrels will eagerly chirp their approval at the sight of his decapitated husk. We, the angry mob will then march onward, looking for the next victim of our short-sighted, murderous fury (Dustin Diamond, perhaps?)

Hopefully he’ll just fix it though.

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8 Responses to Server Fury

  1. Jeff H says:

    I was just going to complain about it on a blog comment and do nothing about it, but I like the whole “crushing femurs” thing a whole lot more.

  2. peter says:

    Yeah, I think we might be on to something there…

  3. Ted says:

    I plan to bring in monkeys and have them launch their feces at him if he fails.

  4. Geof says:

    Just for that, I planted a virus on your blog that will automatically write a post about baby poop every 6 days.

  5. Personally, I’m planning on hacking Kevin’s server just because he dared to pose as me. MY WRATH IS STRONG!!!!!

    The RAM’s already installed. I’m going to have the server tuned tonight. You may take these two statements and use them to make perverse, teenage jokes as you wish. We’ll take points off, though, if you invoke “That’s what she said” at any point.

  6. matt says:

    Is it just me, or does any computer/technical phrase with the word “RAM” sound sexual?

    Case and point:

    “We’ve outgrown our RAM allocation.”
    “That sounds serious. What are you saying?”
    “We need to double our RAM outlay.”
    “I’ve never thought about that, but I’m willing to try new things.”
    “I just feel that we need more RAM so we can accomplish better things.”
    “Is there room for more RAM?”
    “There’s always room for more RAM.”
    “Please install the RAM now.”
    “The RAM’s already installed.”
    “It is?”
    “This is awkward.”

  7. peter says:

    Welcome to the JLP, Matt. Nice inaugural comment!

  8. Beavis says:

    The streets will flow with the blood of the nonbelievers!!! (Especially Geoff…) I am Cornholio!!!

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