At this time, the John Larroquette Project would like to pass along congratulations to my sister’s boyfriend Matthew, who turns 30 tomorrow.
Hmmm… That isn’t the best picture, is it? Perhaps some sort of physical description of him is in order.
Matthew is a nice man with a delightful disposition and a fondness for friendship. Compared with me, he is somewhat short. I do not hold this against him, however. It’s just that he looks like some sort of mutant albino pygmy. Good guy, though.
He has a kind, giving face with ruddy cheeks and firm lips, like a botoxed raccoon. I mean that as a compliment.
I can just see him now – reading this post, with his expressionless eyes flitting back and forth nervously, his wizened snout curling in mild satisfaction. Wherever you are, Matthew, I hope you’re enjoying this post. God knows you need something positive in your life.
Happy birthday, buddy. No hugs though, because that would be weird.