Hey everybody, it’s raccoon time!
Look out! You’ve got to dodge the zany raccoons as they run hither and thither!
On my drive into work this morning I saw no fewer than three (3) dead raccoons strewn across the shoulders of the road, their stiffened little arms outstretched vainly toward the heavens.
ZOOM! You just barely missed hitting Stone, the Raccoon Chieftan! He dodged you just in time. Uh oh. An SUV just barrelled over him. Stone is lost!
On Friday night, Adam and I saw a raccoon get torn in twain by a pickup truck. Its lifeless body spun across the road as the truck sped onward. It sounded almost exactly like the meat flop, which was satisfying.
Soon, all the raccoons will join Stone in the sweet raccoon afterlife, and be rewarded by scores of virginal raccoon attendants. This is called the circle of life.
BAM! You got one! Nice work, friend. You might want to turn on the old windsheild wipers though, because you’ve got some raccoon splats all over it.